25 February 2007
Funny Phone Conversations
Yesterday at work, Karen had a wonderful phone conversation with a woman inquiring about soup. Here it is (some details added for my amusement).
Karen: Thank you for calling XXXXXXXXXXX, this is Karen speaking, how may I help you?
Lady: I would like to order soup. What size containers do yinz have?
Karen: We have eight ounce cups, twelve ounce bowls, sixteen ounce pints, and thirty-two ounce quarts.
Lady: (becoming annoyed) Well that does not help me, how big is a quart??
Karen: Thirty-two ounces, four cups of soup.
Lady: (yelling) You are not helping me, I need to know how many people this will feed. Why can't you just tell me how much soup I am getting???
Ways Karen could have responded (these would most likely have gotten her fired):
1. Well ma'am, are you really fat? If so, you may suck down a quart of soup with no problem.
2. I would say you are getting around 195 medium sized spoonfuls.
3. Do you know the Dollar Family that comes in here? Well the Father usually eats about 7 cups of soup, how do you compare with him?
4. I'm sorry ma'am that my use of numbers has frightened you. Let me put it in this perspective, you are getting about as much soup as you get oil in your car or in some cases as much semen as an elephant ejaculates.
5. (Using hand gestures to show how large the container is) It's about this much. Oh wait, you do not have a video phone, damn savages.
6. Why don't you just wait until you get here, look at the different size containers, and judge for yourself. I don't even know you, I don't know how much you or your family can eat. A quart of soup feeds a whole tribe in Ethiopia, unless it is the Italian Wedding, which no one in the world likes, but anyways, I digress.
7. Wait, what was your question again?
8. What kind of burger did you want?
9. Me no speaka English lady.
Let me know if you have any good suggestions of things Karen could have said to the moronic lady on the phone.