"I would carve you half-naked in marble and put you by my pond just like the Romans would."
Aside from the fact that it's extremely creepy to say something like this to a young lady, let us examine the absolutely absurdity of this statement.
1. I would carve you: This implies the gentleman has some skills as a sculptor. Somehow I doubt this. I am somewhat impressed that he was able to put together a complete sentence, but carve anything? Probably not going to happen.
2. half-naked: Why half-naked? Which half? Topless? Bottomless? Left vs. right? Does that mean Jen is only half good looking? I want to know the rationale here, does he carve her wearing a toga that leaves a breast exposed?
3. in marble: He has a slab of marble lying around his house just waiting to be carved into a half naked Jen. Somehow I doubt that one.
4. put you by my pond: Yes, I believe he has a pond about as much as I believe he has a slab of marble or any sculpting skills. I live in Crafton, I do not see many ponds around here.
5. just like the Romans would: I studied ancient civilizations, mostly Near Eastern, but I did take a few classes on the Roman Republic and Empire. I do not remember during any of my classes a professor saying "and Romans put half-naked statues of hot bartenders by their ponds." I just cannot remember that for the life of me.
Is this what he has in mind?