Funny Stuff

I was just watching Clerks and completely forgot how funny this scene is.



I love the Kevin Smith dance right at the end.

Christmas Presents

It's that time of year again. Where I let you all know what I want for Christmas. You can get my address from Facebook or send me an email and I will give it to you. The first thing I have to say is I do not want anyone to buy me Dark Knight. I will probably buy that at midnight. Although if someone were to buy me an Blu-Ray player and a nice flat screen TV, I would accept the Blu-Ray edition of the movie...

Anyways...
DVDs
-Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (preferably the box set that comes with some cool knickknack)
-Seasons of 4400, Rome, Lost (season 3), The Tudors, Dexter...
-Pool Hall Junkies

Comics
Seriously, just go into the Comic Swap and let them know you are buying for me. I am sure they will find you something good for me. Also, if you want to buy me the Sandman: Daniel figure, it looks like my other one, but reverse colors. Actually here is a picture:



Actually the one on the right is Death, and either one would be pretty cool.
-A new Green Lantern ring, or maybe a Flash ring. Be creative, find me a cool comic book ring.

Clothes
-Some new shoes, I found a pair at Journey's I would like, take me to the store.
-Pay for my glasses.
-Some more button down shirts, not work shirts, but clothes I can wear out.
-A nice Penguins hoody. Actually some more Pirates/Steelers/Penn State clothes.

Actually, that is about it. I guess money would be the best gift. So please, get on this. I expect these gifts shortly.

Girlfriend of the Week

This weeks GOTW goes out to Aspen from the Fathom comic by the late Michael Turner. His pictures of hot chicks are by far some of the best ever. Also, it will piss some of you off since she is not real.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving. I will be out at my Gram's house eating great food (punch bowl cake, mmmm) and playing cards. Fun times.

Here is something for everyone to think about for a second. As you are sitting there gorging yourself on turkey and stuffing, listening to people tell you stories about their kids, remember what the Jewish Elf always says: "Everyone lies."

I do not mean to sound like a jerk, but every time someone tells me a story about some clever or witty thing their kid says, I think back to my own father, who loved to edit his stories to make my brother or I sound much funnier. For example:

One time, he and I were going to our camp to do some hunting. We stopped at the beer distributor and the guy who worked there was a relative of ours, I think his name was Jack. This is how my dad tells the conversation between Jack and I.

Jack: You going to shoot some grouse? They are pretty hard to shoot when they are flying.
Me: They can fly?

At this point, everyone laughs. Here is how the conversation really went.

Jack: You going to shoot some grouse? They are pretty hard to shoot when they are flying.
Me: Uh huh.
Dad: They can fly!? Hahaha.

It is not as funny if he says, so he changes the story to me saying it and everyone gets a kick out of it. I always remember stuff like that, especially when someone tells me something about their kids. It does not make them bad people, I just never hear these kids say clever or witty things, therefore they must not be very clever or witty.
Anyways, here is a picture of the entire family from back in 2005. All us grand kids. You will not find a better looking family.

24: Redemption

I was so freakin' excited about this event. It had been way too long since an episode of 24. Especially when you consider last seasons crapfest.

This baby started off great. Jack out in Africa being a badass. He takes down a bunch of guys and then gets tortured. Then after that the show began to fizzle out. He gets the kids into the embassy and then gets detained and brought back to America.

I understand that it sets up the new season where he testifies before Congress or whatever, but still, it would have had a little more action. Also, is it possible for the government to run background checks on people who either monitor terrorists (CTU) or protect the President's son(Secret Service)?

Let us hope that when the season starts Jack is ready to torture and kill as many terrorists as possible.

Twilight

Kacie forced me to read the book Twilight. It was a fairly easy book to read, only took me a few hours total. I thought it was okay, nothing special though. I can understand why teenage girls are so into the books, but honestly, not my cup of tea.

Some things I have noticed though, Meyer seems to have taken much of her vampire mythos from the Anne Rice books. Especially Edward, when he says he tried to feed off humans before, hunting the murderers and evil doers, that is something that Rice's vampires do, since they can all read minds.

I also feel that Meyer threw in a Rice nod. When Edward tells the story of how Carlisle fled London and went to Venice, he says that there were vampires there who were patrons of the arts. In the Vampire Lestat, Marius tells Lestat how he once lived in Venice as a painter and sometime patron for artists.

Really, the book is written for sixth graders by a sixth grader.  It really does suck.

Heroes: "The Eclipse Part One"

The season is winding down. This episode had some great moments, and really started to tie things together, well a few things anyways.

First, I enjoy Sylar and Elle. She points out to him that he just becomes what everyone wants him to be. He realizes she is right and starts making his own choices. Once they lose their powers, he seems relieved and they kiss each other. Awe, how cute.

Second, I think we can now see the point in Arthur's plans. Now that they do not have powers, he needs a formula from Mohinder. The powers have become a drug for many of the characters, they have been defined by those powers.

Seth Green and Breckin Myer being the guys at the comic book store is pretty sweet. Those two are usually pretty funny no matter what.

Here is something that irks me about the eclipse thing. Remember during season one when people got their powers? It never seemed like the eclipse caused it, also eclipses like that do not happen every year or so. Plus, how come Arthur and that generation do not remember an eclipse giving them powers before?

Anyways, let me know what you guys thought and hopefully the second part will be pretty sweet and encourage me to write more about it. Oh and my prediction for next week is that when Mr.B shoots Sylar, his powers come back and he heals from the bullet.

Girlfriend of the Week

This week it goes out to Erica Durance, who plays Lois Lane on Smallville. Just look at her. Sexy hot. Also, she does a good job as the sassy Lane on the show, who constantly busts Clark's balls. It does not hurt that last night she and Clark almost kissed...awe, I am such a geek.

Vacation Results

Is it even possible to explain how awesome of a time we had on the cruise? Not remotely. Mostly because I drank enough to kill billions of brain cells and barely can remember my name...I will try though.

Arrive in Tampa
We started drinking the first hour we were in Tampa. At my stepdad's sister's house around 4 o'clock. People started showing up around 7 or 8, and pretty soon it was a party. As people started to leave, I convinced John to take Gideon and I to a bar, for maybe some pool and darts.

After a few beers and shots there we came back and I passed out on the chair. This would not be the only time...

Ship Time
The next day we get on the ship and we all meet up on the main deck and begin drinking. Around six we head to dinner and then back to the rooms to head on out. I do not think I ever stopped drinking during that time. I found the place I could smoke and went in there to drink, where I was talking about gambling to a guy named Bill.

Bill wanted to gamble, but wanted to get away from his 18 year old daughter. He decides that I would be best suited to watch her, buys she and I a drink and then leaves us alone. She was pretty cute, which worked out, plus it was a free drink...

Later, I met back up with the group and we were taking funny pictures of us dressed in sombreros, when a nice couple offers us drinks if they can take a picture with us because we seemed to be having such a great time. Obviously, I do not turn down a free drink, ever. Those of you familiar with Hammerjacks know that I took a free shot from the only gay guy in Bellwood because I beat him at pool.

After being at a few different bars and probably being split up from the group, I tried to head back to my room. Well that did not work out so well and I passed out in front of the elevator. Two girls and a guy from the group found me and carried me back to the room.

Day Two
The next day I know Gideon and I both slept really late then pretty much just hung out on the deck. I started drinking shortly afterward when I ran into my mom and she bought me a beer. We definitely went up and hit some golf balls at the driving range and just went around exploring the ship.

Later we went to the Captain's dinner and prior to that we had a cocktail party where we got free booze. You can see where this is going right? Honestly, I do not remember much from that entire night. I know everyone went to bed somewhat early, like 2 or 3 because we had to be up to go to Cozumel.

Cozumel
So, the night before my mom told me like 300 times to make sure I was up early. She even said she would stop by at 7:30 to make sure we were up. We set a wakeup call, but it never came. We both woke up early though for some reason. On the way out of the ship, I am telling John about my mom not waking us up and did not realize he was video taping the entire thing. Needless to say I may have called her a bitch, and then apologized about it. I swear mom, that never happened, John added that in there later.

Once in Mexico, we got some food, then went to rent some Jeeps. Well our group got a VW Beatle. Not the new ones, like a 1967 Bug. Very nice car. John drove us around the island a bit and we stopped at a little bar on the beach for lunch and a few beers.

We then headed to Senor Frogs, where I drank a good amount of beer. Later Gideon and I went down to Carlos & Charlies to see what the rest of the group was doing, and discovered they too were drinking and dancing. Gideon and I danced with the older ladies in my family for a bit, then went back to Frogs.

We left there and found my mom and everybody, who were buying trinkets. Gideon bought a nice dragon and we soon found ourselves by the ship and right by a bar! We drank some more before getting back on the ship.

Back on the ship Gideon did a little gambling then it was time for dinner. That night I almost missed dinner because I was standing by a little massage table that was set up and some girl asked how much for a massage. I told her that it would be on the house and she hopped up there and let me feel her up...

I made it to dinner late, but still got some food. We went out to a few bars and then I went back to the room to take a nap. Well that nap lasted all night.

Day Four
This was the worst day, I woke up and the boat was very rocky and I felt sick all damn day. It was also very wind and cold up on the deck. I will not lie, most of the morning and afternoon I was pretty miserable.

At 4:00 we went to watch the Steeler game and also receive free drinks from the one place. After a few beers my stomach felt a good bit better, and I started firing back the beers at a more rapid pace. Unfortunately we missed dinner due to the game.

After the game I went and played Hold 'Em for a bit with Gideon, then lost money and went to have a smoke. While inside I saw John watching the Redskins game. After they lost he and I got a drink, I think a Long Island and headed down to the rooms to see where everyone was heading to. Once there we refilled our drinks and headed out to the club. Where we got drunk and I did a little dancing. Well you know, my dancing is very bad, but whatever, I was drunk.

Later that night we went somewhere and got pizza and went back to the rooms. The next day I woke up very hungover and got off the boat. Honestly, there was probably so much more that happened. Very funny stuff that I cannot explain on here, such as "Where does the cap go?" Instead I will just tell everyone that I will go again next year, and I think everyone should go as well.

Heroes: "Villains" and "It's Coming"

As promised, here comes my huge post about the previous two episodes. And I am spent. Woo. Seriously, vacation took everything out of me. Just kidding.

Villains
This was another flashback episode, which shows how some of the characters lives turned out the way they are now. Hiro, in his drug induced spirit walk, sees different events that shaped the lives of a few different characters: Meredith, Flint, Sylar, Arthur, and Nathan.

Here is what I can say about the episode, it was pretty good, but not great. Obviously since I fell asleep in the last ten minutes. The Flint/Meredith story was okay, but why is this introduced now? I mean, letting us know that they are siblings could have made Flint a more dynamic character, and maybe we would care about him at this point in the season.

It turns out that Arthur had Linderman put a hit out on Nathan, which caused the car accident which left his wife paralyzed. Angela finds out and confronts her husband, who just uses his mind power to convince her that Nathan must die. Later though Linderman heals her mind, and she tries to kill Arthur with the help of everyone's favorite Haitian.

Nathan finds his dad and takes him to the hospital, where the doctor says he is dead. Odd that they said he died of heart attack, when Peter first jumped off the building to test his flying ability, Angela later says that their father killed himself and suicide runs in the family. Does anyone else remember that?

Anyways, the doctor worked for Arthur and we find out that he is paralyzed and close to death. Anyone ever watch Trigun? Does Arthur remind anyone of Knives, who is more powerful than anyone, but hooked to machines to keep him alive?

The best part was the evolution of Sylar. After stealing his first victims power, he tries to kill himself. Elle comes to his watch shop and saves his life (using her power, but Sylar did not know). She was sent by Mr.B to see if how he transfers powers.

Later she keeps visiting him, and starts to actually develop feelings for him. Mr.B makes her bring another special person, Trevor, who makes things explode. Sylar realizes she lied to him and that she has a power, and he kills Trevor and takes his ability while Elle gets away. I will have more on why this was cool to me after the next episode.

The episode ends with Arthur killing the African dream guy, and grabbing Hiro's head and causing Hiro to scream...

It's Coming
Even though the show has begun to drift away from what made it so cool, some of the new episodes have great moments. This was one of those episodes.

Ando saves Hiro from Arthur (well sort of) and makes him teleport them out of there. He discovers that Hiro has been reverted back to a ten year old. After many little pranks, Hiro starts to learn how to use his power and they go to a comic store to figure out what to do next. They see 9th Wonders and the last page has another eclipse that says "It's Coming"...

Peter and Claire escape from Flint and Knox. Claire tries to fight them to save Peter, but finds out that they were never after Peter, they wanted Claire. Peter comes back and uses a broken gaspipe and a little taunting to force Flint to blast the pipe causing an explosion which allows the two time to escape.

Matt rescues Angela from her mental prison, where Daphne helps him and says she loves him. Not too much to say, I like this storyline, but they need to explore the mental powers more...

Arthur tells Sylar that he knows he saved Peter's life, and that it is okay. Arthur explains that Sylar can take people's powers without killing them. He needs to learn empathy. So he and Peter are the same powers wise?

Sylar is locked in a room with Elle, who is in chains (what I would not give to be stuck in a room with a chained up Kristen Bell...) Sorry, got a little excited. She screams at him for killing her dad and blasts him a nice bolt of electricity. She keeps pumping it to him, and he keeps healing. Finally she asks him to kill her, to take the pain away. Sylar tells her that he is not a killer, that he can help her. She must forgive herself. As they begin to bond, he is able to manifest the electricity, and he frees her from her bondage (haha).

She teaches him how to control it, and the real flirt and probably had some kinky sex...Now, onto my thoughts about this change in Sylar. Before we saw him as the bad guy, but Quinto did such a great job that I think the writer's really wanted to make him a good guy. Sadly, making him another Petrelli was not the best of ideas, but it was a thought I had back in the first few episodes, that Sylar was either Peter or Arthur. I love character growth, and this is a character who has definitely grown the most.

The episode ends with the good guys ending up at Primatech and the bad guys all at Pinehearst. Angela explains that the formula needs a catalyst to fuel it. Claire realizes that she must be the catalyst since Sylar says she was different.

So, are we back to Save the Cheerleader, Save the World? Okay, I typed way too much and I think the room is rocking back and forth. I guess that is a side effect of a cruise? Please, give me your thoughts and theories on the two episodes.

Girlfriend of the Week

This week is dedicated to the hot Mexican women that Gideon and I will be doing very bad things with...

Vacation Time

This week has been hectic because of my upcoming vacation. I have a few posts saved and they will auto post, such as GOTW. I am not sure if there will be a Heroes post yet, since I fell asleep yesterday during the episode.

Anyways, I will be back in a few days, and promise to post an assload of information about the trip, plus my thoughts on Heroes (it will be a double post). Plus, I have some other stuff I want to post about...I will get to it.

If I do not make it back, well then this is my will:
My Brother: Take whatever DVDs you want, the ones you do not want, give to Steve.
Kacie: My comics. Please read them.
Steve: My computer and surround sound system.
Kern: My books.
Jason's Sense Of: My debt. Jews are good with money, you would be able to turn that shit around real quick. I kid....
Gideon: Nothing, because you will be right there beside me...

Okay, that wraps it up. Everyone have a great week.

Girlfriend of the Week

This weeks GOTW goes to my wife (in theory she is my second wife, since Kathleen was my first), Allison. Or as many of you know her: Kooch, or in this picture, Captain Underpants.

Whats not to love, aside from those socks?

Vacation Preview

So my cruise to Mexico is almost here. Most of you are retarded for not joining, except Gideon since he is joining me. Here is a rundown of some of the things I need to do before I can go:

1. Buy a nice outfit for the Captain's Dinner. Yes, I have plenty of shirts and ties, most of them have grease stains or mashed potatoes on them.

2. Do laundry and clean the apartment. I do not want to come home to a crap load of laundry and a dirty place.

3. Go to the mall and buy some stuff I will need for the trip, maybe a book or a DS game...any suggestions on a game?

4. Buy swimming trunks...

5. Go to work and not kill everyone there.

6. Pack. Ugh.

7. Remind Steve to take me to the airport, and hope that someone picks me up when we return...

8. Oh yeah, I need to get a hair cut, preferably on Monday.

9. Remember to take my passport, that would be funny/mildly retarded if I forgot that.

Anything else? Not sure, but if anyone thinks of anything else, let me know. Obviously I do not need to be reminded of the things I must take with me, such as clothes, or toothpaste. Oh shit, I bet I will have to find my cigars in bulk, I doubt they have them on the ship, are you even allowed to smoke on the ocean? Probably not, oh well. I will smoke them in Mexico. Everything is legal there. I should also take some money for bribing the Mexican Police, I am sure that Gideon and I will end up in Mexican Prison...

This Is What I Missed

Argh, this is why I hate work. I could have been at Mugshots to see the two sexy bartenders, Nicole and Anastasia, dressed as Supergirl and Wonder Woman...I hate my life sometimes.

Baseball Season Recap

The end of the season has come and gone, the Phillies beat the Rays in the World Series. Now we wait patiently for the end of year awards to be handed out. Obviously any discussion on Ryan Howard will cause Kern and I to start arguing, so we will not try that game again.

Anyways, I thought it would be fun to go back and look at the predictions we made at the beginning of the year. Well I was pretty much the closest to picking the Pirates record, Kern had them third in the division and almost .500, not bloody likely my friend. I also predicted the NL Central exactly. Other than that, we pretty much sucked. We all had the Tigers winning the AL Central, and they finished dead last, behind the Royals, wow.

Kern said Silva and Beltre would put the Mariners above the Angels in the AL West. Hold on, let that sink in for a second. The 101 losses Mariners. Yes, that team. Let's have a look at how those two did this season:
Beltre: 25 HR, .266 AVG, .327 OBP, .784 OPS...pretty average if you ask me, not MVP caliber.
Silva: 4-15, 6.46 ERA...wow, those kind of numbers look familiar, is that Ian Snell's line?

Not to pick on Kern, at least his World Series picks were actually in the playoffs, mine and Offord's were not.

I was the only one to say anything positive about the Rays, but did not go with my gut and put them up higher in the standings. Hopefully next season we can all do a better job of predicting...on a sidenote it does not look like any of our awards picks will be right, unless Howard wins the MVP (Offord) or Halladay wins the AL Cy Young (Kern).