Sex Tails, A Woo Hoo

I was thinking about how many of the times I have had relations with a lady (meaning: sex with a whore)were the result of either too much alcohol or umm, well usually just the alcohol. This usually leads to some funny stories, so that leads me to think that maybe I could share a few of them every once in awhile.

I first started working at the Place that Shall Not Be Named in the summer '02. During the winter of that year they hired a girl, we shall call her Little Princess (LP for short). She was pretty hot, I will not lie, unfortunately she was a bitch, hence the name Little Princess.

At first I tried to be nice to her, in fact I would hang out with her, watch movies, blah blah blah. Sadly that did not seem to work. So I stopped talking to her, mostly because I was done trying and also because I got the sense that she might be a whore. Do not get me wrong, I do not judge girls if they are whores, but that does not mean I will spend a lot of time trying to get some from them.

At some point she gets evicted from her apartment and is at work telling the manager how she has no place to stay, she is crying. The manager says "well Joshy, you live pretty close, why doesn't she stay with you?" Just what I wanted, a freeloader. So, I let her stay with me. And thus begins the destruction of Little Princess.

She sleeps on the couch, and she is such a bitch to my roommates. She yells at Justin one morning for making too much noise. He threatens her with "bitch, I will throw you off the balcony." He gets even though by offering me a ride to work one day because it is snowing, she says "can you guys wait five minutes for me?" Justin responds "nope." And we left, and she walked to work.

So, one very cold night, she is out at the bar, I am at home doing something super cool (sitting in my room, watching Lord of the Rings, and organizing my comics). She comes back to the apartment, barges in my room and starts crying about how some guy was mean to her at the bar. I tell her to shut up, which causes her to start crying. She does not understand why I am so mean to her and why I don't think she is pretty. You can see where this is going right? Do I have to spell it out? Preying on a girl when her self-esteem is lowest...classy.

Do not fear though, after that I allowed her to continue sleeping in my bed and usually had sex with her each night. I was mainly afraid that Justin was going to really toss her off the balcony. She would try to cuddle with me after sex and I would cringe away from her, which I think caused her to turn around and sob herself to sleep.

She eventually got tired of being treated like crap by me and my roommates. If she was sleeping, we would make as much noise as possible. I mean, dickhead things, like banging pots and pans together. Or, watching episodes of Simpsons and laughing obnoxiously loud. She moved back to Altoona, and eventually went to jail for something. Who knows what she is up to nowadays.

This taught me a valuable lesson though, girls with low self-esteem are much easier to bang. If a girl has high self-esteem, just tear it down and she will be begging for a little action. And people wonder why I have the second-in-command seat reserved in Hell.