In this installment of the wildly popular Sex Tails, I will be focusing on another person's funny stories. I have a few more of my own, but these are pretty funny and should entertain you. Anyone wants to send me their own stories and see them here, feel free to email them to me.
Anyways, my friend Justin worked with this guy (Rich) at Champs. Rich was a bartender and about eight years older than us. I would not really call him a friend, but I drank at his bar and he told some of the best sex stories. These are just a few that I recall (one is not really a sex story, but funny nonetheless).
One night Justin and I are downstairs where Rich is tending bar. We are drinking and shooting pool and watching Rich hit on this girl from Memphis (that is in Tennessee for you geography morons out there). As it approaches it closing time, Rich comes to us and says we need to go now so he can finish up and take her back to her hotel.
One thing you should know about this girl, she had a very think southern accent. Rich is at her hotel, bangin' the hell out of her, and that magic time is almost there: Rich is about to explode. Right before he does though, she screams out "Ohhh Reech, cahm on mah belleee!" Apparently that caused him to start laughing at her (and also cum on her belly). Needless to say we used to yell that all the time at Champs.
The 18 Year Old
Rich was quite good at getting the very young servers at Champs into bed. For those of you who never go to Champs, you should know that the owner only hires hot girls. For a few days Rich is trying very hard with new girl, who is 18. One night she comes over to his place and they watch a movie.
During the movie, Rich realizes he is not going to get any from her. In fact, he is worried that she might be a virgin. He looks at his phone and texts another girl, who is easy and wants to have sex that night. The movie finishes and Rich walks the girl to the door. She gives him a hug and then without hesitation drops to her knees and starts performing fellatio (a blowjob).
As Rich put it, she was amazing. She is working it like (insert lame metaphor here). Rich is about to blow when the girl suddenly stops. She stands up and looks at Rich, who is quite perplexed, and says "that was just a little preview of what you could get next time." And then she walks to her car and leaves Rich standing there with his dick hanging in the wind (almost literally if it were a windy night I suppose).
Now, a normal guy would just jerk off and figure out a way to get her over there tomorrow. Not Rich, he calls the other chick, has sex with her, boots her out of his place and then decides to never call the first chick ever again. We asked him why and he was like "fuck that cock tease." Must be nice to get chicks with such ease.
This is not a sex story. Rich moved out to Seattle for a little while. When he got there, he found a construction job and one night after work he goes to his nice sports bar which reminded him of Champs.
He is in there watching some game and talking to the bartender. They talk about fishing and after awhile the bartender asks if he wants to go fishing on Saturday. Rich is like "hell yeah." He knew no one out there and wanted to find the good holes.
Saturday he and the guy go fishing all day and have a great time. The guy drops Rich off and asks if he wants to go out drinking that night. Rich says sure and the guy says to meet him at the bar.
Rich shows up and sees his new found friend, who is wearing a very tight shirt and leather pants. Again, Rich thinks nothing of this. They sit at the bar and they are talking and Rich starts to notice that there are an awful lot of guys at this bar. He then begins to notice the way his friend is staring at him and keeps touching his arm. Rich panics and asks "is this some kind of gay bar?"
The guy is like "of course it is, why else would there be a huge rainbow on the sign?" Rich had no idea there was a rainbow, and up until this point had been oblivious to the fact that there were no hot girls around. In fact, he just figured it was because it was a sports bar. Rich ended up staying at the bar, and I guess he and the guy became friends, but I would have loved to have seen that moment of realization on Rich's face...
I know these stories were not nearly as funny to you guys since none of you know Rich, but they crack me up. Tune in next week for one of my own.