The League

I kept seeing the previews on FX for The League, a show about guys in a fantasy football league. The previews looked pretty funny, but I just was not too sure.

Until about the first five minutes when one of the characters starts saying how he is going balls deep this year (which was my fantasy team name at one point). It immediately reminded me of the morning I woke up and read this article over at KSK. Unfortunately, none of my friends ever read it, so making Rex Grossman jokes never made sense.

Some other highlights from the show:
-the main character having his girlfriend finger his ass during sex
-Taco (yes that is a character's name) singing a birthday song to his friend's five year-old daughter. He describes her parents going at it 69 style.
-pedophile jokes
-smoking pubic hair and getting high

It will be interesting to see if the show can continue to crack me up each week, but also see the characters grow at the same time.

Comic Book Movie Grades Part 2

I figured it is about time to update the list. Movies that I forgot or have come out since last time will be in bold. If I changed my mind about a movie, it will be in italics.

Spider-Man: A+
Spider-Man 2: A+
Spider-Man 3: A-/B+
X-Men: A
X2: A+
X3: B+
X-Men Orgins: Wolverine: C
Blade: B-
Blade II: B
Blade: Trinity: B+
Daredevil: B-
Elektra: C
Fantastic Four: C+
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: D-
Hulk: C-
Punisher: C+
Catwoman: F
Constantine: C
Batman: B
Batman Returns: B-
Batman Forever: C
Batman and Robin: D-
Batman Begins: A
The Dark Knight: A+
Superman: B+
Superman II: B
Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut: B+
Superman III: D
Superman IV: F
Superman Returns: A-
Hellboy: B
Hellboy II: The Golden Army: B
Sin City: A+
Road to Perdition: A
Judge Dredd: F
V For Vendetta: A-
A History of Violence: B-
The Crow: B
From Hell: B
Howard the Duck: D+
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: D
Man-Thing: F
Spawn: C
Ghost Rider: C-
300: A+
Iron Man: A+
The Incredible Hulk: B+/A-
Watchmen: A
30 Days of Night: B
The Spirit: F

30 Days of Night

Yes, I am doing a review of the movie 30 Days of Night. No, I am not stuck in some time-warp, and no this is not the first time I have seen the movie. I just realized I never posted anything about it and well, it is almost Halloween and I just watched it again on Encore. Good enough reason in my book.

For those of you that have not seen the movie, let me give you a quick recap. It is set in Barrow, Alaska, one of those places that get thirty days of darkness in winter. A pack of vampires decide to come to the town and kill everyone. The movie revolves around those thirty days and how the sheriff (played by Josh Hartnett) keeps a few people alive.

This movie is based on the comic of the same name. That comic is one of the only ones to ever creep me out. Maybe it's Niles' storytelling, or maybe Templesmith's art (most likely a combination of both), but it was a very good comic.

The movie follows the book pretty well, and it also has parts that scare the bejeezus out of me. Some of things the movie does well: bring the vampires to life, if you read the book, you know that those vampires do not look like your typical bloodsuckers. They resemble the old Nosferatu (huge pointy teeth...well just look at the picture).

I enjoy vampire movies, well as long as my vampires are not sparkly when they go out in the sun, but I really like them when they are just evil. There is no reasoning with these vampires, no discussions of morality. They come to the town and the feast on the people like they are at an all you can eat buffet.

So if you feel like watching a good vampire movie, check this one out. Here is my favorite scene of the movie:


Comic Book Movie Grade: B

White Collar

I recorded White Collar(or is the proper new term DVRd?) the other night and watched it yesterday morning. I must say that I was pleasantly surprised. It is basically Catch Me If You Can, but after he gets caught and starts working with the FBI. If any of you are like me, I was always curious about that aspect of that movie.

The relationship between the FBI agent and conman seems to be pretty typical, which is not a bad thing. I wonder though, if the constant threat of being sent back to jail will be there or if that will get tossed out the window after a few episodes.

In the first episode the conman (I am too lazy to look up names), finds a loophole in warrant law, which could be the solution to every criminal they try to catch whenever they cannot get a warrant (which would then become very annoying, also I am sure some lawyer would attack something like that...) Or maybe he will not be able to use that one again since the FBI gave him a badge that says FBI Consultant or something...

Sorry about that little ramble. Another plus side of the show is Tiffany Amber Thiessen, and let me say, she is still hot.

Silly Weekend Videos

Remember how I said I love those Adult Swim videos of Carl from Aqua Teen talking about sports? Well they have started doing them weekly and I have spent the last hour watching a bunch of them. Here are three of them, including this weeks.

Where the Wild Things Are

I was going to try and post a review of the movie, but then I read filmdrunk's review and decided that was almost exactly how I felt about the movie. I had a few differences, but they are slight and really not worth mentioning.

Actually, I want to point out this post over at stuffwhitepeoplelike. Take a minute and read it, and come back when you are finished.

Okay, after Kacie and I saw the movie, a few nights later we are at Champs enjoying a tasty beer, and there are two guys beside us discussing movies. One white guy (probably mid 20s) and one black guy (in his 40s). The black guy says how he did not really like the movie because it was a bit dark and scary for his kids.

The white guy cannot seem to comprehend this and starts saying stuff like this:
"But dude, it's a Spike Jonze movie! He is awesome."
"How can you not be a fan of Mark Sendak's books?"
"The book changed my life as a child."

I really wish I was making this shit up, but I am not. The first comment is funny because I wonder if the guy actually knows the body of work Spike Jonze has done? Being John Malkovich and Adaptation, about the only things I can think of that he directed.

I believe he meant Maurice Sendak for the second comment, and I will be honest with you, looking at his works on wikipedia, I have only heard of WTWTA. The reason I thought of the stuffwhitepeoplelike post is because of their reference to Fight Club. I bet money this is a guy who tells people he read the book long before the movie came out. I am one of the few people who decided to buy the book after seeing the movie...

I also wonder if the white guy meant he was a fan of David Eggers books? I have never read any of his books, in fact I do not think I have heard of any of them. I guess that makes me dumb or something.

Last comment though really cracked me up: the book changed his life as a child. What the fuck does that mean? When I was a kid, I am pretty sure a peanut butter & apple butter sandwich would have changed my life. Ten sentences changed my life forever. What did this guy do as a child, read this story and say "damn, I should not be so wild. Allow me to start volunteering at the local animal shelter, or maybe I should read Voltaire."

And people wonder why I want to kill 93% of the people I see...

Girlfriend of the Week

Ugh, I slept in. I worked third shift last night and wanted to get up around five today, well it's seven and I am just rolling out of bed. Anyways, none of you really care about that, you just want to see some pictures of some hot girl.

Well this week I decided to go with Emily Deschanel. Over at the Warming Glow, there has been a comment debate about who is hotter, Emily or Zooey. Honestly, I think it is silly. They are both hot.

If you watch the show Bones, you get to see Emily at work and she plays her character very well. I took a bunch of anthropology courses, that is how a bio-anth professor acts (except they are never hot).

Halloween '09

The last few years I have not been able to go out and enjoy Halloween because of work. Fortunately this year I have the weekend off. The question is, what should I do? Also, what should I be?

Option A
Go to State College and hit up the bars. Always a fun time, plenty of scantily clad girls running around. The problem is where to stay. However, there is no home football game that weekend, so getting a hotel room would be relatively cheap. If we can get a few people to go, it would not cost much money.

Option B
Find a party to go to. Umm, always a fun idea, unfortunately I do not know of anyone having a party...

Option C
Head to Pittsburgh. This could be fun, but it also falls in with the problem of option B...

Option D
Do nothing and be absolutely miserable. Come on people, do not allow this to happen!

Costume Ideas
-Pope
-Jesus
-Pope or Jesus with a giant fuckin' sword!
-Insert your idea here

Anyways, let me know what you folks think.

The Dark Tower

The other day I finished reading book seven of the Dark Tower series. This marks my second time through the entire series, and I must say that it got even better this time around. I have a feeling this is going to turn into a rambling mess about the final book, which people complained about, so if you have not read the series, I apologize, you should tune in later for another post or something.

Things I Loved
The deaths. Yes, that sounds morbid, but each death of a main character is moving and we get to see how they helped changed Roland for the better.

-Eddie's death comes early in the book, and it's actually kind of shocking by how abruptly it happens. As Roland travels along, he continues to use phrases that Eddie often used.

-Jake's death was the saddest. He gives his life to save Stephen King. Roland thinks of him as his son, which is a huge change from the first book, where Roland considered him "the boy" and decided to let him fall. I do believe that Roland would have given his life to save Jake, which is as close to Roland giving up the tower as possible.

-Oy's death was the most heroic. The one time we see Roland truly vulnerable, he falls asleep with no one capable to keep watch against Mordred. The spider-boy attacks, but Oy steps in and gives his life to save Roland (or as Oy would say Olan). The sad part was, how regretful Roland is about the way he treated Oy before he died. Roland would have considered Oy's death to be a sacrifice for the tower, or for his own survival (as with David the hawk), yet now he mourns his friend's death like it were any member of the ka-tet.

-Walter/Randall Flagg: I know many people disliked the way "the man in black" met his end (being eaten by Mordred). They claim that it was just a way to set up how powerful Mordred is and that it did not live up to the hype of the showdown between Flagg and Roland.

For me though, it reminds me of how in Lord of the Rings, you keeping thinking that at some point Sauron and Aragorn will have this great sword fight, yet it never happens.

The only more fitting death for Walter, would be if Jake would have shot him with the Ruger (since it seemed to scare Flagg in book IV). I think Jake killing him would have really been a nice touch, but instead Roland's other son does the deed. I love how Flagg thinks his thinking cap can block Mordred, which it does not.

I also loved the ending, well both endings. The first ending is great because Roland opening the door to the tower is the perfect ending. I love that King also lets the reader know that you can stop there. I love though, how we get to go along with Roland as he travels towards the top of the tower. When he gets there he realizes he has done it before and that he is going to start over. There is a lesson in there about wanting things so badly. I wonder if Roland will break the cycle now that he has the Horn of Eld?

I also wonder if the reason characters seemed to get those odd premonitions (such as Jake saying that the rose in the vacant lot is the universe, or all universes, and not knowing how he knows that) is because they have been locked in this cycle as well...something to ponder I suppose.

A TV Series
As most people, J.J. Abrams bought the rights for $19 (or so I have read a few places). This makes me hope they will make the series into a TV show, especially on HBO or something.

I have spent the last few days thinking about how awesome this show would be. Hell, I have even started breaking down how each season should go. I would post all that stuff, but I am sure only one person is going to read this.

I have also heard that Christian Bale would be a good Roland, and all I can say is...NO. I just do not picture Bale when I read the books. Bale does not seem to fit the description of "old long, tall, and ugly."

Obviously, a young Clint Eastwood would probably be perfect, unfortunately my time machine is broken. I would say going with unknowns would be the best bet, maybe a semi-star for Roland. Who would you cast? And do not give me any names like Johnny Depp, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt...absolutely not.



Here is an old mock trailer someone did. I actually love the idea for Pere Callahan...

Football Question

I know that many of you watch and know more about football than me, so I am going to ask you a question. If you watched the Patriots/Broncos game on Sunday, you noticed at the end, the Broncos had the ball on third down with very little time left. Orton gets sacked and it is a 4th and 15 at the 50 yard line, well out of range of a field goal.

The Broncos decide to punt and put the ball at the 5, and the Patriots do not return it, nor do they attempt a play with seven seconds left. The Broncos win the coin toss and drive down and kick a field goal to win the game in OT. Here is my question: why not try for the touchdown at the end of the game if you are the Broncos?

Hear me out for a second. They were at the 50 yard line, you take a a deep pass towards the end zone, what is likely to happen? The ball either gets batted down, or in a worst case scenario, the Patriots intercept the ball and run it back for a touchdown. What are the odds of that though?

Also, if you do not complete the pass and the Patriots recover with time on the clock, they will only have time for one more play and they too will be out of field goal range. To me it just seemed silly to punt at that point, especially when you are just letting a coin toss decide the game (I know they always say that some ridiculous % of teams that win the coin toss win the game...)

For those of you who watched the game, or know more about football, please weigh in on this for me.

Girlfriend of the Week

This week's GOTW goes to Red Sonja. You see, I like a nice fiery redhead, especially if she carries a giant sword and has no problem killing hundreds of men. Unfortunately, you can only have sex with her if you best her in combat. She has also been known to kick back a few tankards of ale, something I can respect...

Death to Pagans!

I was at work the other day (you know, the place that shall not be named) and had a fun experience with a customer. Since I cannot discuss any details of work, let me just say this, we have a product that is well known and loved, but during the Halloween period it alters slightly. This exchange happens at the cash register where I am ringing people out.

Guy: Excuse me, do you have any of the original product?
Me: Sorry, we had some earlier, but they sold out, all we have now is the Halloween product.
Guy: Well that is too bad because we love the original product.
Me: The Halloween product is basically the same thing.
Guy: As a devout Christian, I find it offensive.
Me: Oh, my apologies.
Guy: Apparently only us true believers in Christ can recognize and denounce pagan symbols. Not that you would know what I am talking about.
Me: Umm, what?
Guy: I am sure someone like yourself has no clue what I am talking about.
Me: Actually sir, I probably know a bit more about the topic than you do. I studied religion in college as part of my major.
Guy: Well whatever, I just find it appalling.
Me: Yeah, here's your change.

I really wanted to lay into the guy, but I was at work and the people in line were all part of the same church group and I figured it would be bad to piss them off. Why did the dickhead think I was unable to comprehend his "dire" situation about paganism? This is why religious people should be banned.

He is the kind of guy who will get offended if someone says Happy Holidays. I should have told him that I was Jewish or Muslim. I bet the guy has no problem with Easter Bunnies and Christmas presents. What a self-righteous asshole.

I wonder how offended the guy would be with a picture like this?

Baseball Wrap Up

This is going to be a long one folks. If you have no interest in baseball, I would suggest ignoring this and waiting for later when I tell you all about a funny thing that happened to me the other day (no, I did not get to wrestle a badger).

The season ended and the Pirates obviously sucked. Lets start off with the MVP Watch. I recap their week using these stats: Hits/HRs/SB/BA/OBP/SLG/R/K/BB/Team Record for Week.

NL
Pujols: 13/0/2/.310/.388/.381/4/4/6/3-8
H-Ram: 7/1/1/.194/.326/.361/6/6/6/6-4
Fielder: 15/6/0/.326/.429/.761/9/11/9/6-6
Braun: 21/3/5/.389/.414/.648/9/13/2/6-6
Howard: 19/4/1/.365/.421/.654/11/12/5/5-8

Obviously some guys stepped up their game for the close of the season, but lets see if it helped.

Rank
Pujols: 176 (25)
Howard: 159 (34)
Braun: 155 (34)
Fielder: 154 (37)
H-Ram: 152 (24)

An abysmal week for H-Ram, which cost him a few spots. Pujols is still the leader and will probably win the MVP, so lets have a look at their final season stats (instead of team record, I will include RBIs):

Pujols: 186/47/16/.327/.443/.658/124/64/115/135
Howard: 172/45/8/.279/.360/.571/105/186/75/141
Braun: 203/32/20/.320/.386/.551/113/121/57/114
Fielder: 177/46/2/.299/.412/.602/103/138/110/141
H-Ram: 197/24/27/.342/.410/.543/101/101/61/106

If you look at those lines, each one of them is worthy of a MVP season. Hell if you blacked out those names and had to choose, it would be difficult. I do believe that Pujols wins it though. Why? If you take Braun's and Fielder's stats and kinda create one super player, what do you get? Basically, Albert Pujols. He does everything well. All these guys have over 100 Ks in a season, he has 64. I think Adam LaRoche had that many in a two-week period before...I honestly believe it would be hard for people to argue for Howard, when Fielder has almost identical numbers only slightly better. I wish there were some kind of weird stats out there that could combine all this stuff into one number...oh well, I guess they do not exist.

AL
Mauer: 14/0/0/.292/.460/.375/6/5/15/10-3
Cabrera: 14/4/0/.250/.344/.500/8/9/8/7-7
Texeira: 11/2/0/.324/.425/.529/6/5/5/7-3
Jeter: 13/1/4/.419/.526/.516/3/6/6/7-2
Abreu: 10/2/1/.270/.341/.541/6/10/4/6-4

Rank
Mauer: 199 (36)
Texeira: 176 (34)
Cabrera: 170 (30)
Jeter: 169 (39)
Abreu: 156 (26)

Jeter had a fantastic week, hell almost enough to surpass Cabrera. By my very scientific calculations it seems Joe Mauer should win the MVP. Let us look at the final stats.

Mauer: 191/28/4/.365/.444/.587/94/63/76/96
Cabrera: 198/34/6/.324/.396/.547/96/107/68/103
Texeira: 178/39/2/.292/.383/.565/103/114/81/122
Jeter: 212/18/30/.334/.406/.465/107/90/72/66
Abreu: 165/15/30/.293/.390/.435/96/113/94/103

The argument against Mauer is the fact that he only played 138 games this season (Abreu played 152, and as you can see, did not really come close to matching Mauer's season). Now, I am going to propose something insane here. During our arguments recently, it seems that everyone thinks Texeira should/will win (except Ryan, who thinks Bobby Abreu is the best player in the AL). However, I believe that Derek Jeter should win the MVP. In my opinion if it were either he or Mauer, that would be quite fair.

This could come as quite a shock to many of you, but I was always one of the guys who thought Jeter was overrated. He just keeps impressing me year after year by his ability to take the things he does poorly, and getting better at them. If he wins the award over Mauer, I would completely understand and back it. Should I now look at some of those fake/made-up stats to maybe support my idea? Why the heck not, it's my blog. There are a few stats that would put Jeter 2nd behind Mauer (such as WAR, but I will not post the numbers or anything). If you want, go to fangraphs and check it out.

Our Picks
I cannot seem to find Offord's or Gideon's picks anywhere on my blog or the pancake. But without reposting everything, let me just say this. I had 16/30 teams correct. I had the AL wild card correct. Kern, 7/30. Way to go buddy.

Amidst all that research, I ran across this quote from January from Gideon, regarding Jeter as a HOFer:

Blogger The Gideon said...

I refuse to accept "I thinks" when it comes to stats. DO YOUR RESEARCH, GRRRRRRRRRR. At exactly 3400 hits a player would be in 9th all time. 3420 hits would bump them up to 6th.
Besides the hits though, his stats aren't really HOF worthy. Captain ain't nothin' but a title. A bunch of other people were on all those championship teams, but I don't really see any of them getting in, except for maybe Paul O'Neill - and that's just because the voters will be scared of the wrath that will ensue should he not make it.
Perhaps I'm just hatin' because I'm pissed we're still paying him all this money. He's like the 4th highest paid player in the league. I think...

Gideon, do you still believe that?

Fantasy Baseball Results
In Ryan's league, his friend Dave won it over Offord. Gideon beat Ryan for third place, and I unfortunately finished in fifth.

Over in Offord's smaller league, I finished third by beating Jason I. Ryan won the league by beating Dave. Offord finished in fifth place. The BatmanObviously guys did not fair so well. Although, I do not think they paid much attention.

I suggest one league next year. I do not mind multiple leagues, but I think paying attention to two leagues burnt people out, especially if you did not like the stat set up in one league as opposed to another. Maybe next year I will commission the league. Or if we do a secondary league, it should be with crappy stats. You have to pick the worst players. Batting stats: GIDP, Ks, CS. Pitching Stats: L,BS...we can work the details out later. Obviously averages would still apply, just the other way. That could end up being pretty fun. Imagine some of those trades? Ugh, I am stuck with Albert Pujols, I will trade him for Adam LaRoche.

And that ends this ridiculously long baseball post.

Flash Forward

Is anyone watching the new show FlashForward? I can understand if some of you might be afraid that it will be another Lost, which I guess in a way it is. So far though, I have enjoyed it. Here are some of the things I liked and have questions about:

-Does anyone think that Janis' kid will turn out to be Demetri's? I bet they hook up before he dies because he will have the "I am depressed and going to die" attitude.

-Little kids are freaky, especially when they have secrets. What did Benford's daughter see? Maybe she could hook up with Walt from Lost...

-If there is going to be a global blackout, what better thing to be doing than having sex with Peyton List...
-I hope the whole thing turns out to be an elaborate bank heist.

-You cannot have a show with Penny and Charlie, yet no Desmond. "Brotha, I already see the future." Would be great...

Anyone have anyone thoughts?

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

The other day I went to see the Tucker Max movie, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. It was okay, nothing spectacular, but funny at points.

The best part about the book that this is based on, is Tucker's way of describing things. Would I like to go out drinking with Tucker Max? Probably not, but it is fun to read about his antics especially before he becomes famous.

The movie though, takes a bunch of the stories from the book, then tries to combine them into a one night thing, which turns the movie into another National Lampoon's or American Pie Direct-to-DVD.

One of the pleasant surprises was Marika Dominczyk, who was on an episode of House. Anyways, she was pretty funny as the stripper who teaches Drew a lesson about women.

Birthday GOTW

Today is my birthday, and I figure since it is my birthday, I will choose my own adventure this morning. By that, I mean I am going back to bed and dreaming about doing very naughty things to these three Brazilian models (names are not important for this fantasy).