Since the college football season is about over, I figured it might be fun to have a bowl game challenge. See who can pick the remaining games (well the big games).
Gator Bowl: West Virginia over Florida State. I understand why this game is being played, Bobby Bowden's old team versus his current team. Sentimental value or something. WVU wins a close one, 21-17.
Capital One Bowl: PSU over LSU. I have to take the Nittany Lions, what kind of fan would I be if I did not? The Lion's chances hinge heavily on Clark's performance. If he can do something in this game, they should be able to score some points. I believe it will be 24-20.
Rose Bowl: Oregon over Ohio State. If the Ducks can force Pryor to make mistakes, they should come away with an easy win. I have a feeling it might not be a close game, 31-14.
Sugar Bowl: Florida over Cincinnati. A few weeks ago, I might have picked Cincinnati, but not now. This game is going to get out of control very quickly, but then the Bearcats will show that offense and make a comeback. I say 41-35.
Fiesta Bowl: TCU over Boise State. I wish this was played on the cool blue turf at Boise, but alas it's not meant to be. The Horned Frogs have the coolest team name out there, how can it lose? I think this might be one of the closer games, and it may end up being very exciting or extremely dull. I have a feeling that both teams feel cheated and may not really show up for the game. They played each other in a bowl game last year, not so much fun when you could have been playing one of the powerhouse teams...Anyways, my score prediction: 24-22.
Orange Bowl: Georgia Tech over Iowa. In all honesty, was Iowa that good this year? I mean they seemed to just squeak by everyone. Their defense is good though, but good enough to stop an explosive offense like GT? Probably not. I say 21-10.
BCS National Championship Game: Alabama over Texas. Ugh, I really do not care about this game. If 'Bama wins we get to hear how the SEC is the greatest conference, if Texas wins we will have to listen to stories about how they have been the underdogs and won two national titles. Blah blah blah. I will probably root for Texas though, just because I almost always cheer against the SEC. Unfortunately, the score will probably be 35-10.
And the bowl match-up we have all been waiting for...
GMAC Bowl: Troy over Central Michigan. I see a blowout for the Sun Belt Conference (bonus points to anyone who can name another school from the Sun Belt without looking it up). 54-10.
Leave your picks in the comments.
28 December 2009
27 December 2009
Best of 2009
It's that time of year, the end (in case you wondered), where I tell you the best of whatever I feel like.
Best Movie: This came down to three choices for me: District 9, Watchmen, or The Hangover. In the end though, I had to go with District 9. It was a very cool movie.
Best Book: Since I cannot count books that came out before this year, I have to choose Joe Abercrombie's Best Served Cold.
Best TV Show: Sons of Anarchy. No contest.
Best Comic Book: I honestly do not remember anything from this past year that really stuck with me. I guess the best superhero series would have to be umm, ahhh, hmmm...Batman and Robin? Seriously, was anything even remotely good this year?
Non-superhero series? Walking Dead. Continues to amaze me.
In all honesty though, I felt like this was a down year for comics, or maybe I am just imagining that.
Let me know what your choices would be...
Best Movie: This came down to three choices for me: District 9, Watchmen, or The Hangover. In the end though, I had to go with District 9. It was a very cool movie.
Best Book: Since I cannot count books that came out before this year, I have to choose Joe Abercrombie's Best Served Cold.
Best TV Show: Sons of Anarchy. No contest.
Best Comic Book: I honestly do not remember anything from this past year that really stuck with me. I guess the best superhero series would have to be umm, ahhh, hmmm...Batman and Robin? Seriously, was anything even remotely good this year?
Non-superhero series? Walking Dead. Continues to amaze me.
In all honesty though, I felt like this was a down year for comics, or maybe I am just imagining that.
Let me know what your choices would be...
26 December 2009
Avatar
I finally got a chance to see Avatar today. It was basically as good as I expected it to be. It was not the greatest film of all time, nor was it terrible. The special effects were pretty awesome, but as most people have said, the story was lacking.
In fact, let me sum up the movie for you: Humans are bad, we go to a magical place where the natives commune with a great tree. Humans destroy the land to get the raw materials they need. One male human becomes involved with one female native and helps the natives stop the humans. The end.
Yes, this is the exact same premise as Fern Gully. Actually if Fern Gully and the Matrix had a kid, it would be Avatar. Other than that though, I had no real complaints.
It did seem to take forever though, especially the beginning with Jake learning to be one of the Na'vi. Those scenes seemed to me to only serve the purpose of showing off how amazing this world looks and how creative James Cameron can be.
It was a decent movie, not really Best Picture worthy, but decent.
20 December 2009
INjustice For All
Does anyone remember when I got jumped? Well it was 18 months ago. The trial was postponed three times and it finally got underway on Wednesday. Let me tell you about my dealings with the court system.
Day One
So, Tuesday I left work and drove straight down to Pittsburgh to stay at Steve's place. We got up at like 6:45 and headed down to the courthouse. We arrived around 8 a.m.
They make you go to the witness room and hang out for about an hour. We see the witness (Tim) and a little bit later the arresting officer (OW). We make our way to our courtroom and wait outside for our assistant district attorney (ADA). ADA gets there and tells us that the defendant has decided on a jury trial. We have to wait for them to pick the jury.
By 11 o'clock it seems that nothing has happened and ADA comes back and informs us that the jury will be picked on Thursday. Another day wasted at the courthouse. We meet with ADA and go over the strategy and he has us go over the events of the night. We head back to Steve's place after getting some food.
Day Two
We get to the courthouse around 10:30. They have started picking the jury, but it is slow going. Tim, OW, Steve, and I head to lunch. We come back and ADA informs us that they still need to pick four jurors. Ugh. We stand around until about 4 o'clock.
Finally the trial begins, opening statements are made. We have to wait outside. Steve gets called in and begins his testimony. He testifies for fifty minutes (we timed it). He comes out and says the defense attorney (who apparently the defendant's parents mortgaged their house to pay for) tore him apart. This makes me slightly nervous.
ADA tells us that this judge might go as late as 8:00 p.m., which is good because Steve and Tim have already missed enough work due to the case. He then comes out and says the judge decided to rest for the day and begin again on Friday.
We leave the courthouse and head home, getting stuck in rush hour traffic. We go to the mall because I was out of clothes. I decided to buy a new suit (the county gave me plenty of money for driving down). We then head to Smokey Bones and eat a good dinner on the county's dime. Why not, Steve drove everyday, I was sleeping on his couch, least I could do was treat him to a good dinner.
Day Three
We arrive at the courthouse 8:30, and find a huge line to get in. Apparently Friday is DUI day or something. We finally get through the metal detectors and some guy asks a sheriff if this is the third floor. She laughs at him because he is stupid.
We head to the courtroom and ADA tells us the order we will go in. I am to be third behind Mike (the accomplice who turned his friend in) and Tim. My time finally comes and I head into the courtroom.
I am very nervous. ADA asks me to go over what happened that night and I do so. He then has me identify the attacker, which I do. The defense attorney gets his chance. He asks questions that are similar to ADA's, yet he says them in a very disbelieving tone. For example, ADA asked if I was drinking. Defense attorney asks it this way "Would you say you were drunk, or were you FLAT OUT drunk?" I tell him that I was drunk.
The worst part is that he constantly switches gears, he asks a question and then the next question is totally unrelated. I know that he is trying to throw me off, but it is not going to work, I am not some moron.
I come out of the courtroom and Steve says I was only in there for seventeen minutes. Interesting. OW goes in and he is in there for another 45 minutes. The prosecution rests.
The defense is waiting for a character witness, so they take a five minute break (actually lasts 15 minutes). The witness shows up (he is some kind of private investigator), but the defense does not use him, so the defense rests.
We are allowed inside to hear the closing arguments. Defense attorney goes first. He is good, he makes grand gestures, he talks about how reasonable doubt works, he makes an analogy to buying a house. He explains how each witness (and victim) could be confused about the attacker. Hell, if I was on the jury he would have had me sold.
Then it is ADA's turn. I was nervous about him. He is young, most likely younger than me, probably fresh our of law school. He tells us later that this was his first case with actual victims, usually he does plea bargains and trials for gun charges and whatnot.
He gives a very good closing statement. He also explains reasonable doubt to the jury and says that they do not need to be 100% sure, but that with the evidence provided by the commonwealth, that they have a puzzle. And if you lose a few pieces of the puzzle, you can still tell what the picture is, and that is the same with this case.
He then closes the whole thing with turning the whole "the defendant is the victim of misidentification" by saying "there are only two victims in this trial, and they are over there." He points at us. I get chills.
The judge now explains each charge and how they are to determine guilt. It is the most boring moment of my life. Some jurors are nodding off. I will explain court time in a little bit.
The jury heads out to deliberate. We go outside for a smoke. We come back inside and bullshit with OW, he is a funny guy. We discuss how a bunch of the jurors are really hot. Fun times. The jury comes back around 4 o'clockish.
Foreman: Charge of Aggravated Assault, Not Guilty.
My thought: Okay, maybe they did not feel he tried to kill us, they will hit him with simple assault.
Foreman: Charge of Simple Assault, Not Guilty.
It feels like someone hit me in the stomach with a sledge hammer.
Foreman: Charge of Robbery, Not Guilty. Charge of Theft, Not Guilty. Charge of Disorderly Conduct, Not Guilty...
I am shocked, I cannot think of how this can happen. Where is justice? Why does the court system suck so bad? I mean, not guilty? This guy beats the living crap out of us, sends us to the hospital, and they believe we have mistaken his identity. Let me tell you something, when someone stands over you demands your phone and then hits you again, you remember that face.
We leave the courtroom and talk with ADA, he is clearly upset. We shake hands with him and tell him he did a good job. He admitted that he should have done some things differently, and I hope that this was a good learning experience for him. I hope the best for him and if I ever see him out in the city I will definitely buy him a drink.
Assistant district attorneys do not get enough credit, they do not make great money, which is why they usually use the position as a stepping stone. Sadly though, they are needed. The judge talked about how the jury was to be commended for doing an important civic duty, well I think ADA should be commended. He was seeking justice for a crime. He may not have won, but there will be others and hopefully if he learned some tactic from this case that helps him put someone else away, then I guess it was not all for nothing.
As of now, I am bitter. I am angry. Most of all, I am emotionally drained. My faith in people make smart decisions is at an all-time low. The evidence was there, yet a high-priced lawyer can make it seem like the evidence was tenuous at best. The say Lady Justice is blind, but the joke is that she is a just an expensive whore.
Court Time
They tell you to be at the courthouse at a certain time, say 8 a.m. They make you sit around until 9. Then you hurry to another room, and they make you wait. They say that closing arguments and the explanation of charges will take an hour, they take about an hour and a half. It is very frustrating.
Rights
I understand that the defendant has the rights. However, how shitty does that feel? If Steve and I got stuck in traffic, and were running late, the judge would have a fit. The defendant's one character witness is running late and we take a break. If OW or any of us would want to postpone the trial, it would be a major hassle, yet the defendant can postpone it multiple times. Actually OW said that if he needs to postpone it, he better have an excuse like "my wife died today."
The Good
I met some great people because of this trial. OW is an outstanding police officer and has my respect. He seems like a great father and someone that we should be proud to have wearing a badge. The same goes for Tim, he came to court everyday because he wanted to see justice. He did not know us, yet he took off work to try and do whatever he could for the case. Again, the jury gets all the thanks, but I would like to thank Tim. He could have closed his blinds and just pretended it was not happening, but he did not, he called the police and described what he saw happening.
The defendant has another case coming up. I do not know all the details, but it sounds pretty bad and he might be looking at jail time for it as well. Although, I am sure his lawyer will do the same stunts. Part of me hopes this lawyer pumps his family for all their money and he goes to jail anyways.
I also wonder if this (coupled with the fact that he has a newborn and wife now) will wake him up and make him become a responsible human being. Maybe he will settle down and not harm others. That would be a good thing, unfortunately I do not believe that will happen. He just beat the system, he thinks he is invincible. I am sure he will be bragging to people about how he got away with it. I am also sure that he will eventually end up in jail. I just hope it is not because he kills someone. I hope those jurors that let him walk today can live with that.
Day One
So, Tuesday I left work and drove straight down to Pittsburgh to stay at Steve's place. We got up at like 6:45 and headed down to the courthouse. We arrived around 8 a.m.
They make you go to the witness room and hang out for about an hour. We see the witness (Tim) and a little bit later the arresting officer (OW). We make our way to our courtroom and wait outside for our assistant district attorney (ADA). ADA gets there and tells us that the defendant has decided on a jury trial. We have to wait for them to pick the jury.
By 11 o'clock it seems that nothing has happened and ADA comes back and informs us that the jury will be picked on Thursday. Another day wasted at the courthouse. We meet with ADA and go over the strategy and he has us go over the events of the night. We head back to Steve's place after getting some food.
Day Two
We get to the courthouse around 10:30. They have started picking the jury, but it is slow going. Tim, OW, Steve, and I head to lunch. We come back and ADA informs us that they still need to pick four jurors. Ugh. We stand around until about 4 o'clock.
Finally the trial begins, opening statements are made. We have to wait outside. Steve gets called in and begins his testimony. He testifies for fifty minutes (we timed it). He comes out and says the defense attorney (who apparently the defendant's parents mortgaged their house to pay for) tore him apart. This makes me slightly nervous.
ADA tells us that this judge might go as late as 8:00 p.m., which is good because Steve and Tim have already missed enough work due to the case. He then comes out and says the judge decided to rest for the day and begin again on Friday.
We leave the courthouse and head home, getting stuck in rush hour traffic. We go to the mall because I was out of clothes. I decided to buy a new suit (the county gave me plenty of money for driving down). We then head to Smokey Bones and eat a good dinner on the county's dime. Why not, Steve drove everyday, I was sleeping on his couch, least I could do was treat him to a good dinner.
Day Three
We arrive at the courthouse 8:30, and find a huge line to get in. Apparently Friday is DUI day or something. We finally get through the metal detectors and some guy asks a sheriff if this is the third floor. She laughs at him because he is stupid.
We head to the courtroom and ADA tells us the order we will go in. I am to be third behind Mike (the accomplice who turned his friend in) and Tim. My time finally comes and I head into the courtroom.
I am very nervous. ADA asks me to go over what happened that night and I do so. He then has me identify the attacker, which I do. The defense attorney gets his chance. He asks questions that are similar to ADA's, yet he says them in a very disbelieving tone. For example, ADA asked if I was drinking. Defense attorney asks it this way "Would you say you were drunk, or were you FLAT OUT drunk?" I tell him that I was drunk.
The worst part is that he constantly switches gears, he asks a question and then the next question is totally unrelated. I know that he is trying to throw me off, but it is not going to work, I am not some moron.
I come out of the courtroom and Steve says I was only in there for seventeen minutes. Interesting. OW goes in and he is in there for another 45 minutes. The prosecution rests.
The defense is waiting for a character witness, so they take a five minute break (actually lasts 15 minutes). The witness shows up (he is some kind of private investigator), but the defense does not use him, so the defense rests.
We are allowed inside to hear the closing arguments. Defense attorney goes first. He is good, he makes grand gestures, he talks about how reasonable doubt works, he makes an analogy to buying a house. He explains how each witness (and victim) could be confused about the attacker. Hell, if I was on the jury he would have had me sold.
Then it is ADA's turn. I was nervous about him. He is young, most likely younger than me, probably fresh our of law school. He tells us later that this was his first case with actual victims, usually he does plea bargains and trials for gun charges and whatnot.
He gives a very good closing statement. He also explains reasonable doubt to the jury and says that they do not need to be 100% sure, but that with the evidence provided by the commonwealth, that they have a puzzle. And if you lose a few pieces of the puzzle, you can still tell what the picture is, and that is the same with this case.
He then closes the whole thing with turning the whole "the defendant is the victim of misidentification" by saying "there are only two victims in this trial, and they are over there." He points at us. I get chills.
The judge now explains each charge and how they are to determine guilt. It is the most boring moment of my life. Some jurors are nodding off. I will explain court time in a little bit.
The jury heads out to deliberate. We go outside for a smoke. We come back inside and bullshit with OW, he is a funny guy. We discuss how a bunch of the jurors are really hot. Fun times. The jury comes back around 4 o'clockish.
Foreman: Charge of Aggravated Assault, Not Guilty.
My thought: Okay, maybe they did not feel he tried to kill us, they will hit him with simple assault.
Foreman: Charge of Simple Assault, Not Guilty.
It feels like someone hit me in the stomach with a sledge hammer.
Foreman: Charge of Robbery, Not Guilty. Charge of Theft, Not Guilty. Charge of Disorderly Conduct, Not Guilty...
I am shocked, I cannot think of how this can happen. Where is justice? Why does the court system suck so bad? I mean, not guilty? This guy beats the living crap out of us, sends us to the hospital, and they believe we have mistaken his identity. Let me tell you something, when someone stands over you demands your phone and then hits you again, you remember that face.
We leave the courtroom and talk with ADA, he is clearly upset. We shake hands with him and tell him he did a good job. He admitted that he should have done some things differently, and I hope that this was a good learning experience for him. I hope the best for him and if I ever see him out in the city I will definitely buy him a drink.
Assistant district attorneys do not get enough credit, they do not make great money, which is why they usually use the position as a stepping stone. Sadly though, they are needed. The judge talked about how the jury was to be commended for doing an important civic duty, well I think ADA should be commended. He was seeking justice for a crime. He may not have won, but there will be others and hopefully if he learned some tactic from this case that helps him put someone else away, then I guess it was not all for nothing.
As of now, I am bitter. I am angry. Most of all, I am emotionally drained. My faith in people make smart decisions is at an all-time low. The evidence was there, yet a high-priced lawyer can make it seem like the evidence was tenuous at best. The say Lady Justice is blind, but the joke is that she is a just an expensive whore.
Court Time
They tell you to be at the courthouse at a certain time, say 8 a.m. They make you sit around until 9. Then you hurry to another room, and they make you wait. They say that closing arguments and the explanation of charges will take an hour, they take about an hour and a half. It is very frustrating.
Rights
I understand that the defendant has the rights. However, how shitty does that feel? If Steve and I got stuck in traffic, and were running late, the judge would have a fit. The defendant's one character witness is running late and we take a break. If OW or any of us would want to postpone the trial, it would be a major hassle, yet the defendant can postpone it multiple times. Actually OW said that if he needs to postpone it, he better have an excuse like "my wife died today."
The Good
I met some great people because of this trial. OW is an outstanding police officer and has my respect. He seems like a great father and someone that we should be proud to have wearing a badge. The same goes for Tim, he came to court everyday because he wanted to see justice. He did not know us, yet he took off work to try and do whatever he could for the case. Again, the jury gets all the thanks, but I would like to thank Tim. He could have closed his blinds and just pretended it was not happening, but he did not, he called the police and described what he saw happening.
The defendant has another case coming up. I do not know all the details, but it sounds pretty bad and he might be looking at jail time for it as well. Although, I am sure his lawyer will do the same stunts. Part of me hopes this lawyer pumps his family for all their money and he goes to jail anyways.
I also wonder if this (coupled with the fact that he has a newborn and wife now) will wake him up and make him become a responsible human being. Maybe he will settle down and not harm others. That would be a good thing, unfortunately I do not believe that will happen. He just beat the system, he thinks he is invincible. I am sure he will be bragging to people about how he got away with it. I am also sure that he will eventually end up in jail. I just hope it is not because he kills someone. I hope those jurors that let him walk today can live with that.
18 December 2009
Girlfriend of the Week
This week's GOTW was going to be dedicated to Lady Justice, unfortunately things did not go our way so I feel that Lady Justice might be a dirty whore. Instead of Girlfriend of the Week though, she will be the Whore of the Week. Tune in tomorrow while I explain where I have been for the past few days and where this rage is coming from...
12 December 2009
Clash of Kings
I recently finished the second book of Martin's series. A Clash of Kings was very good. It picks up where the first book stopped and continues to amaze me with the number of plot twists. Whenever you think something good is going to happen to a character, then something new and worse happens.
-My prediction about Jon Snow still stands. I believe he is the son of Lyanna and Rhaegar.
-The dreams the Stark brothers are having, are they a result of the dragons being born? The pyromancers claimed that at a certain point creating wildfire became easier, almost as if dragons were back. I also wonder if the Red Priestess' own powers increased with the birth of the dragons?
-Arya is an interesting character. I constantly think something good will happen to her, yet it never does. I kept thinking that Syrio the water dancer (her sword instructor) would miraculously come to her rescue and take her away and train her. Unfortunately, it appears that he died helping her flee the guards.
Then it seemed like Yoren would get her back to Winterfell, but then he died and she has been moved from place to place. Jaqen then shows up and proves to be a pretty cool guy. He is some kind of assassin, and towards the end he removes his face for another one, which leads me to believe he is one of the Faceless Ones. He gives her a coin and says that if she ever has need of him to take the coin he gives her to Braavos. I wonder if she will go there and become an assassin? Probably not, but something tells me this guy is not going to disappear.
As for Arya, she is on the run at the moment (I do not understand why she did not just tell Roose Bolton her real identity, I suppose she fears he would not believe her, but still...) Her goal is to make it to Riverrun, but we all know what will happen. Someone will catch her and I would almost guess that she makes it back to King's Landing.
-Why do I believe she will head back to King's Landing? Because the Lannister's will need her. Sansa is going to be leaving their clutches to visit Highgarden, hard to refuse the King's new wife's family? She may, or may not marry the son there. Why do the Tyrells want a wedding between themselves and the Starks? Maybe to switch allegiances to Robb? I find it interesting that the Tyrells already know that Joffrey is a jerk (well at least the women know this).
-Here is my grand overall prediction for the series. Dany will raise a very large army in the East. Not sure how she will do it, but she will. The Greyjoy army will be destroyed when the Others come across the Wall and start marching and killing everyone. This will cause Robb to focus on them. The rest of the kings will the greater enemy coming and will join together, but there will be multiple allegiances and deals made.
It will seem the Others are winning when an army will arrive with a Queen who has some dragons to back her up. They will defeat the Others and Dany will take her rightful place on the Iron Throne as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.
Girlfriend of the Week
This weeks GOTW is Natalie Portman. I am not sure if you have ever seen her, but she is pretty hot. Last night I went and saw the new movie, Brothers, which was not all that good. Fortunately Portman was in the movie and helped bump it from a really shitty-movie to a not-so-bad-because-there-was-at-least-a-hot-chick-movie...
10 December 2009
Sex Tails, A Woo Hoo Pt. 4
In this installment of the wildly popular Sex Tails, I will be focusing on another person's funny stories. I have a few more of my own, but these are pretty funny and should entertain you. Anyone wants to send me their own stories and see them here, feel free to email them to me.
Anyways, my friend Justin worked with this guy (Rich) at Champs. Rich was a bartender and about eight years older than us. I would not really call him a friend, but I drank at his bar and he told some of the best sex stories. These are just a few that I recall (one is not really a sex story, but funny nonetheless).
Southern Belle
One night Justin and I are downstairs where Rich is tending bar. We are drinking and shooting pool and watching Rich hit on this girl from Memphis (that is in Tennessee for you geography morons out there). As it approaches it closing time, Rich comes to us and says we need to go now so he can finish up and take her back to her hotel.
One thing you should know about this girl, she had a very think southern accent. Rich is at her hotel, bangin' the hell out of her, and that magic time is almost there: Rich is about to explode. Right before he does though, she screams out "Ohhh Reech, cahm on mah belleee!" Apparently that caused him to start laughing at her (and also cum on her belly). Needless to say we used to yell that all the time at Champs.
The 18 Year Old
Rich was quite good at getting the very young servers at Champs into bed. For those of you who never go to Champs, you should know that the owner only hires hot girls. For a few days Rich is trying very hard with new girl, who is 18. One night she comes over to his place and they watch a movie.
During the movie, Rich realizes he is not going to get any from her. In fact, he is worried that she might be a virgin. He looks at his phone and texts another girl, who is easy and wants to have sex that night. The movie finishes and Rich walks the girl to the door. She gives him a hug and then without hesitation drops to her knees and starts performing fellatio (a blowjob).
As Rich put it, she was amazing. She is working it like (insert lame metaphor here). Rich is about to blow when the girl suddenly stops. She stands up and looks at Rich, who is quite perplexed, and says "that was just a little preview of what you could get next time." And then she walks to her car and leaves Rich standing there with his dick hanging in the wind (almost literally if it were a windy night I suppose).
Now, a normal guy would just jerk off and figure out a way to get her over there tomorrow. Not Rich, he calls the other chick, has sex with her, boots her out of his place and then decides to never call the first chick ever again. We asked him why and he was like "fuck that cock tease." Must be nice to get chicks with such ease.
Seattle
This is not a sex story. Rich moved out to Seattle for a little while. When he got there, he found a construction job and one night after work he goes to his nice sports bar which reminded him of Champs.
He is in there watching some game and talking to the bartender. They talk about fishing and after awhile the bartender asks if he wants to go fishing on Saturday. Rich is like "hell yeah." He knew no one out there and wanted to find the good holes.
Saturday he and the guy go fishing all day and have a great time. The guy drops Rich off and asks if he wants to go out drinking that night. Rich says sure and the guy says to meet him at the bar.
Rich shows up and sees his new found friend, who is wearing a very tight shirt and leather pants. Again, Rich thinks nothing of this. They sit at the bar and they are talking and Rich starts to notice that there are an awful lot of guys at this bar. He then begins to notice the way his friend is staring at him and keeps touching his arm. Rich panics and asks "is this some kind of gay bar?"
The guy is like "of course it is, why else would there be a huge rainbow on the sign?" Rich had no idea there was a rainbow, and up until this point had been oblivious to the fact that there were no hot girls around. In fact, he just figured it was because it was a sports bar. Rich ended up staying at the bar, and I guess he and the guy became friends, but I would have loved to have seen that moment of realization on Rich's face...
I know these stories were not nearly as funny to you guys since none of you know Rich, but they crack me up. Tune in next week for one of my own.
Anyways, my friend Justin worked with this guy (Rich) at Champs. Rich was a bartender and about eight years older than us. I would not really call him a friend, but I drank at his bar and he told some of the best sex stories. These are just a few that I recall (one is not really a sex story, but funny nonetheless).
Southern Belle
One night Justin and I are downstairs where Rich is tending bar. We are drinking and shooting pool and watching Rich hit on this girl from Memphis (that is in Tennessee for you geography morons out there). As it approaches it closing time, Rich comes to us and says we need to go now so he can finish up and take her back to her hotel.
One thing you should know about this girl, she had a very think southern accent. Rich is at her hotel, bangin' the hell out of her, and that magic time is almost there: Rich is about to explode. Right before he does though, she screams out "Ohhh Reech, cahm on mah belleee!" Apparently that caused him to start laughing at her (and also cum on her belly). Needless to say we used to yell that all the time at Champs.
The 18 Year Old
Rich was quite good at getting the very young servers at Champs into bed. For those of you who never go to Champs, you should know that the owner only hires hot girls. For a few days Rich is trying very hard with new girl, who is 18. One night she comes over to his place and they watch a movie.
During the movie, Rich realizes he is not going to get any from her. In fact, he is worried that she might be a virgin. He looks at his phone and texts another girl, who is easy and wants to have sex that night. The movie finishes and Rich walks the girl to the door. She gives him a hug and then without hesitation drops to her knees and starts performing fellatio (a blowjob).
As Rich put it, she was amazing. She is working it like (insert lame metaphor here). Rich is about to blow when the girl suddenly stops. She stands up and looks at Rich, who is quite perplexed, and says "that was just a little preview of what you could get next time." And then she walks to her car and leaves Rich standing there with his dick hanging in the wind (almost literally if it were a windy night I suppose).
Now, a normal guy would just jerk off and figure out a way to get her over there tomorrow. Not Rich, he calls the other chick, has sex with her, boots her out of his place and then decides to never call the first chick ever again. We asked him why and he was like "fuck that cock tease." Must be nice to get chicks with such ease.
Seattle
This is not a sex story. Rich moved out to Seattle for a little while. When he got there, he found a construction job and one night after work he goes to his nice sports bar which reminded him of Champs.
He is in there watching some game and talking to the bartender. They talk about fishing and after awhile the bartender asks if he wants to go fishing on Saturday. Rich is like "hell yeah." He knew no one out there and wanted to find the good holes.
Saturday he and the guy go fishing all day and have a great time. The guy drops Rich off and asks if he wants to go out drinking that night. Rich says sure and the guy says to meet him at the bar.
Rich shows up and sees his new found friend, who is wearing a very tight shirt and leather pants. Again, Rich thinks nothing of this. They sit at the bar and they are talking and Rich starts to notice that there are an awful lot of guys at this bar. He then begins to notice the way his friend is staring at him and keeps touching his arm. Rich panics and asks "is this some kind of gay bar?"
The guy is like "of course it is, why else would there be a huge rainbow on the sign?" Rich had no idea there was a rainbow, and up until this point had been oblivious to the fact that there were no hot girls around. In fact, he just figured it was because it was a sports bar. Rich ended up staying at the bar, and I guess he and the guy became friends, but I would have loved to have seen that moment of realization on Rich's face...
I know these stories were not nearly as funny to you guys since none of you know Rich, but they crack me up. Tune in next week for one of my own.
07 December 2009
Here You Go Philipsburg
Here is a video of the Oakland Raider's long snapper Jon Condo doing some fun stuff in the city. You may be wondering why the hell I would care about a long snapper for Oakland, but he went to my high school and graduated a year after me.
05 December 2009
Carl's Video
This week Carl rants about Tiger Woods and Michael Vick. This is really for all you Eagle fans out there...
Girlfriend of the Week
I saw these girls over here and decided that it was a worthy cause. AIDS is bad, and girls should definitely get mostly naked to help me raise something in support...
03 December 2009
A Whole Lotta Nothin'
It is five minutes until five p.m. I just woke up. For the past six days I have worked second shift and every night I get home at close to midnight. Unfortunately I am all hopped up on Mountain Dew, which causes me to sit up and watch TV or read until about 5 a.m. I usually wake up around 12 and get ready to do it again. Needless to say, my body has not enjoyed this. Apparently it just shut down on me and decided to choose when to wake up.
Anyways, here are some odds and ends that have been going on. Not enough to fill up a post, but some interesting stuff.
Court Date
Steve and I have our court date Wednesday the 16th of this month. This should be it, no more postponements. About damn time, sick of waiting. Apparently the guy who jumped us is really serious about fighting it instead of taking a plea bargain. That means we will have to testify and be part of a real court case...
Speaking of getting jumped...a guy I work with got jumped the other night. They almost killed him and pretty much made his face a complete mess. He needs multiple surgeries I think to repair his eye socket and jaw bone. Or maybe one massive surgery. He came into work the other night and I thought he was a zombie from Dawn of the Dead.
I only bring this up because there are people at work who keep saying it is funny and he probably deserved it. Let me explain something, even if he did get into a fight and lost, he would not look like this after. His face is the result of being knocked and someone kicked his face repeatedly. That is something no one deserves.
Baseball
All sorts of exciting news regarding the Pirates. Or not. I mean, Rick Ankiel, JJ Putz, Noah Lowery, Justin Duchscherer. Actually these are not bad players to be looking at, but they all have similar problems: injuries. I understand the Pirates are not likely to go out and sign John Lackey or even Rich Harden, but it would be fun to pretend, right?
For those of you who hate baseball stats and want better explanations of them, please head over to WHYGAVS and check out his glossary.
Sons of Anarchy
Did anyone watch the season finale? It was insane. Talk about a twist you did not see coming, that ATF chick is a bitch. Framing Peg Bundy for murder, causing Jax's kid to be kidnapped by the Irish. I do think that with Jax and Clay on the same page, they will be a pretty much unstoppable force.
Previews For New Shows
-There is another season of 24, dear god, why?
-Human Target is based on a comic, which I have never read. I bet it will either be really good or really shitty.
-I think the new FX show is called Justified, but I am not sure. I have no clue what it is about, but it has Tim Olyphant and it is on FX, probably be decent.
-Lost is almost here...getting excited.
Support Ribbons
Let me tell you about something I hate: ribbons. You know the ones, breast cancer, AIDS awareness, blah blah blah. Okay, actually, I do not mind those ones. I just wanted to piss everyone off. I prefer the yellow ones that support the troops, but the others for disease are fine. The ones I am talking about are the ones designed to show support for a sports team.
Yesterday I was driving to work behind an SUV with a yellow ribbon and a black ribbon. I knew the yellow one was for the troops, but could not figure out what the black one was. Support death? As I neared the vehicle, I realized it had gold trim and said "Support the Steelers!"
Does that seem like a slap in the face to all the soldiers risking their lives? "Hey, I support the troops, as long as it does not interfere with football!" These ribbon companies should be bombed. Although, if anyone ever finds a black ribbon that says "I Support Death." Please buy it for me.
Christmas
That time of year is almost upon us and I need to start shopping for a few people. This year I want nothing. That should make it easy on all you bastards out there who never get me anything. I am looking right at you Ryan. Just kidding, the usual stuff works this year. Prostitutes.
Anyways, here are some odds and ends that have been going on. Not enough to fill up a post, but some interesting stuff.
Court Date
Steve and I have our court date Wednesday the 16th of this month. This should be it, no more postponements. About damn time, sick of waiting. Apparently the guy who jumped us is really serious about fighting it instead of taking a plea bargain. That means we will have to testify and be part of a real court case...
Speaking of getting jumped...a guy I work with got jumped the other night. They almost killed him and pretty much made his face a complete mess. He needs multiple surgeries I think to repair his eye socket and jaw bone. Or maybe one massive surgery. He came into work the other night and I thought he was a zombie from Dawn of the Dead.
I only bring this up because there are people at work who keep saying it is funny and he probably deserved it. Let me explain something, even if he did get into a fight and lost, he would not look like this after. His face is the result of being knocked and someone kicked his face repeatedly. That is something no one deserves.
Baseball
All sorts of exciting news regarding the Pirates. Or not. I mean, Rick Ankiel, JJ Putz, Noah Lowery, Justin Duchscherer. Actually these are not bad players to be looking at, but they all have similar problems: injuries. I understand the Pirates are not likely to go out and sign John Lackey or even Rich Harden, but it would be fun to pretend, right?
For those of you who hate baseball stats and want better explanations of them, please head over to WHYGAVS and check out his glossary.
Sons of Anarchy
Did anyone watch the season finale? It was insane. Talk about a twist you did not see coming, that ATF chick is a bitch. Framing Peg Bundy for murder, causing Jax's kid to be kidnapped by the Irish. I do think that with Jax and Clay on the same page, they will be a pretty much unstoppable force.
Previews For New Shows
-There is another season of 24, dear god, why?
-Human Target is based on a comic, which I have never read. I bet it will either be really good or really shitty.
-I think the new FX show is called Justified, but I am not sure. I have no clue what it is about, but it has Tim Olyphant and it is on FX, probably be decent.
-Lost is almost here...getting excited.
Support Ribbons
Let me tell you about something I hate: ribbons. You know the ones, breast cancer, AIDS awareness, blah blah blah. Okay, actually, I do not mind those ones. I just wanted to piss everyone off. I prefer the yellow ones that support the troops, but the others for disease are fine. The ones I am talking about are the ones designed to show support for a sports team.
Yesterday I was driving to work behind an SUV with a yellow ribbon and a black ribbon. I knew the yellow one was for the troops, but could not figure out what the black one was. Support death? As I neared the vehicle, I realized it had gold trim and said "Support the Steelers!"
Does that seem like a slap in the face to all the soldiers risking their lives? "Hey, I support the troops, as long as it does not interfere with football!" These ribbon companies should be bombed. Although, if anyone ever finds a black ribbon that says "I Support Death." Please buy it for me.
Christmas
That time of year is almost upon us and I need to start shopping for a few people. This year I want nothing. That should make it easy on all you bastards out there who never get me anything. I am looking right at you Ryan. Just kidding, the usual stuff works this year. Prostitutes.
01 December 2009
Game of Thrones
Before I tell you my thoughts on George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones, let me give you a brief history of how I got interested in this series.
When I was in Jordan, I had finished all the books I took with me. Drew let me borrow one of his, which was the short story anthology called Legends Vol. II. That is where I first read "The Hedge Knight" and enjoyed it immensely.
A few years later as I tried to decide on some new fantasy books to check out, I noticed that Greg's blog has book reviews. I started going through them and saw this review and the author's name jogged my memory. I definitely put it on my Christmas list way back in '06.
With that being said, I would like to thank Greg and Drew because the book is awesome. It definitely hooks you right from the beginning and keeps you on your toes. There are funny parts, sad parts, and shocking parts. You can go from kids being thrown out of windows, to a deformed dwarf mocking everyone, to graphic sex with minors in just a few chapters.
I want to make some predictions about a few characters, there could be some spoilers in here.
-Jon Snow, the bastard son of Eddard (Ned) Stark, will turn out to be someone very important. I wonder if he is actually the son of Lyanna (Ned's sister) and Rhaegar Targaryen. Ned keeps remembering Lyanna as she died and how she kept saying "Promise me." At first we are led to believe that she means that he must promise to take her back to Winterfell when she dies. Later when Ned is delirious he remembers when Rhaegar wins a tournament and gives the crown of beauty to Lyanna instead of his own wife. I believe that instead of kidnapping and raping Lyanna, they ran off together, had a kid, but she died during childbirth or shortly after. Ned came and found the child and promised to raise him.
-Dany and her dragons will raise some kind of army and come back to reclaim her throne. In fact, I am kind of rooting for her. I wonder if she and Jon are destined to be together...since the Targaryen's married brother and sister to keep the lines pure.
-Arya will find her direwolf at some point. Plus she will become a great swordsman.
-Hopefully Robb and Joffrey square off in battle. Joffrey is easily the most unlikeable character in the book. The way he changes when he becomes king is cool. Or it would be great if the Hound killed Joffrey while protecting Sansa.
Anyways, just a few of my thoughts on the book. I started the second book, and should be done with it in a few days.
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