Before you all start to think that I am some kind of sex god, I figured I might as well write about some of my failures. Every guy has had them, things look good and then all of a sudden you are back home rubbing one out. No shame in it, happens all the time.
Champs Girl One
One of the perks of going to Champs every night and living right up the street is that you get to know a good many bartenders and servers. Many nights I would sit out at the front bar and usually the waitresses would talk to me when they came up to get drinks (it is always smart to sit near the service area).
One night, this one really hot girl is talking to me (her name is Angela) and we are flirting back and forth. She gives me her number and I head back to the apartment with Gideon. We are playing cards or something when she sends me a text asking if I want to come over. I have Gideon drive me over, she lives in Toftrees and I figure it would be smart to not have my vehicle...
I get there and we have a few drinks and discuss all sorts of things. We keep flirting and even make out a little. Then comes the moment. I figure things are going to get sexy. Instead she brings out her bong and wants to know if I want to smoke weed.
Not really what I expected. After that we head to the bedroom and make out for a bit more then she passes out. Odd right? A few nights later I see her at Champs and she is like "hey we should hang out again." So, I give it a second shot. Head over to her place and the same thing happens. If you are wondering, I did not partake in any marijuana, it is illegal.
The next morning we wake up and her sister comes over for something. They are talking and Angela introduces me and the sister is like "oh, so this is Josh." Very weird, right? I went over one last time, and ended up leaving before anything happened. Why? Well I come in, and there are lines of coke on the coffee table. Obviously not the kind of girl I should be hanging out with. I went home and laughed about it with Gideon.
Champs Girl Two
I met another girl, maybe Stacie or something like that, in much the same way. Only this night we drank when her shift ended. She told me how she was from Clearfield and blah blah blah. She suggests going to my place for a drink.
We get to 224D and head to my room to have a beer. She wants to look at my pictures from Jordan/Egypt. This must be some kind of aphrodesiac for girls. I start showing them my pictures and immediately they want to start making out. We are making out and things are seeming to go well. Very well. And then out of nowhere she stops and goes "I should go."
What? She wanted to come over, what the hell could have changed? Anyways, after that, we texted a few times, but never really hung out after that.
This next story is not for the faint of heart. One night I am talking to this girl, and we come back to my place. I would say that there was making out or anything, but there really was not. She was down for some sex.
There she is, lying on my bed. Naked, ready to go. I am about to penetrate, when she says wait, and reaches down and grabs a little string, which I did not notice until this moment. She gives it a tug and her tampon comes out.
I swear to you, it made this sound: KERRR-thunk. Like someone pulling a plug out of a drain. She then tosses the damn thing into my trash can like it was a napkin or something. She looks at me and says "okay, now we can do it." Ugh, sorry honey, not getting my red-stripe today. Plus, the smell hits me and I do not think lil' Joshy was up for it anymore. I asked her to leave after that.
Damn, that still makes me gag.