15 April 2010
Nations of the World: Albania
Their population probably ranges somewhere around 3,000,000. They figured this out by having everyone gather in town squares and the census taker yelled out "everyone who is not a sex slave, please raise your hand." Apparently they came up with that many people who were not owned by someone else. Neat.
I imagine the land to be very dreary. You know how in movies when they want to show a place as being desolate, they use a filter on the lens? Not so much black and white, but it mutes all the color? That is how I picture Albania. Also, I see everyone digging in the mud, like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail "there is some lovely filth over here..." In fact, I believe their number one export (aside from sex slaves) is filth.
The area known as Albania has been settled continually since the early 1320s CE (common era for those of you who have no clue what CE stands for, instead of using the Christian term AD). Before then people realized the area sucked and avoided it like the plague. Actually during plagues, people were sent there as a quarantine zone.
In the late 1700s their leader, Sergio Madras Flokktitty, tried to conquer the surrounding region. He failed after three days when his wagon snapped an axle. During the Great War, the Albanians fought with the Ottoman Empire. Or rather, they were absorbed by the Ottomans, who never actually noticed any difference.
Their big moment to shine came in WWII, when they confused Italy with Greece. Thinking they were striking at the evil Axis, they attacked Greece with a fervor not seen since the ancient Spartans. Sadly though, the Albanian military was still on horseback. A fierce cavalry charge is no match for a tank.
Since then, they have been a country. End of the history lesson.
Apparently there are plenty of famous Albanians, unfortunately I could not find one that is actually from Albania. They are usually Albania-American, which is really not the same. The most famous of those being Eliza Dushku.
Do not fear ladies, I feel it would be unfair to just the sexy girls of the country and not give you a little eye candy as well.
Tie Domi is Albanian-Canadian, which I guess counts right? You may remember him as the enforcer for the Maple Leafs. He was pretty badass. He once got into a fight with a Flyers fan, which he should have received an award for beating the crap out of the Flyer fan.
The video for the fight is below the picture. Now I realize some of you ladies might not think of Domi as a sex symbol, so I guess I will include one more male with Albanian descent...
Disclaimer: The majority of this material was made up. I have nothing, but the utmost respect for Albania and it's people. This post was meant entirely as humor. Please do not have me killed for trying to be marginally funny. Who doesn't love James Belushi?