Weekend Video Time

This is the red-band trailer for Hot Tub Time Machine, which sounds like the dumbest name for a name ever.  Fortunately the trailer is pretty funny.  This reminds me, why are they making The Hangover 2?  I guess the first one did not resolved, apparently Hollywood never learns that sequels like that never work...anyways, enjoy the video.

Girlfriend of the Week

This week's GOTW is actually a mystery.  Well okay, not to me.  I know who she is.  I figured it might be fun to see if you guys could figure it out.

I will give you some hints.

1.  She is an actress (or is the term female actor?)
2.  She will be playing the wife of a certain mead drinking god.
3.  She made an appearance in episode 103 of a certain hilarious comedy show.

So, let us see how well you know your hot chicks.  Good luck!

Damn Earthquakes Taking All The Good Jobs in This Country!

As many of you know, I work at The-Place-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named-For-Fear-That-Someone-From-Human-Resources-Reads-This-Blog-and-Will-Fire-Me or TPTSNBNFFTSFHRRTBAWFM for short.  Sometimes the stupidity of the customers amazes me, and yesterday was another one of those funny moments.

These two old ladies were at the cash register and they are checking out the water jug we have set up for Haiti.  This is the exchange, almost verbatim.

Old Lady One:  What's this jug for?
Old Lady Two:  For those ungodly Haitians.
OL One:  Ethel!
OL Two:  What?  If those people had used condoms this problem would not be happening right now!  I am serious!  They all have AIDS and this is what happens to people like that.

Unfortunately for me, I could not say anything.  Mainly because they were old, which means they cannot be reasoned with.  It is true, most old people (and these ladies were well over 80) refuse to listen to anything that contradicts there point of view.  Sadly, she probably got her information from the 700 Club or maybe from Paul Shirley.

Another gentleman said something about the jug, and at first I thought he was being a prick, but then he clarified himself.  He basically thought it was sad that it took a massive loss of life for people to decide to drop some changes into a jug or for companies to take up a collection.  He feels that these kinds of jugs should be out all year and should support numerous charities.   I agree with him, unfortunately TPTSNBNFFTSFHRRTBAWFM would probably argue that people would be less willing to give year around and that would make them look bad come Christmas time when they do their annual charity drive...

I also noticed quite a number of people on facebook saying idiotic things like "we need to be focused on the people here who are suffering, not the people in Haiti."

Ugh, I hate this argument.  Well, it is not really an argument, more of a ridiculous statement.  It is true there are people here in America who have lost their jobs, have no insurance, been screwed over by the government, etc. 

This was a natural disaster that hit Haiti.  Not caused by crappy government leaders or greedy corporations, but instead by tectonic plates that cannot be reasoned with, or say voted out of office...That is the thing most of these people do not understand.  The problems in America cannot be fixed by tossing some charity money at it, but instead by people becoming educated before they go into the voter booth.  Instead of believing that the main issues are abortion and gay marriage, start reading about what policies these folks will be pushing for concerning trade, corporate shenanigans, etc.

I know someone is thinking, "well what about Hurricane Katrina!?"  That was a natural disaster.  Yes it was, very good.  And look at how the rest of the world responded.  Even Albania joined in with some money.  I realize that some of those donations seem paltry compared to the hundreds of millions the US plans to give to Haiti, but hey, we can afford it.  Albania cannot.

Okay, that was my rant for the day.

God Loves Traffic Jams

I pass a church every day on my way to work.  This church loves to put up stupid little quotes on its marquee, which usually make me laugh at the idiocy of religious folks.  Today's was especially good.

"The next time you use the Lord's name in vain,
God will make rush hour longer."

 Wow, what a petty God he must be.  "Ugh, those shitty Christians are using my name in vain again, I'll show them, they will sit in traffic for two hours!"  Sucks to be those really good Christians during rush hour who did nothing wrong.

Also, why the hell would a church in Philipsburg think this would change people's lives?  There are no traffic jams around here.  Rush hour traffic happens for about three minutes in this area.  I could understand putting a sign like this in Pittsburgh, maybe on the Parkway.  Might make a bit more sense.  Unfortunately, driving 65 mph past the church around 5 p.m. makes me think God was not paying attention today.  I also used his name in vain approximately 25 times, before lunch.

Or maybe I misread the sign.  Maybe they meant that God will punish you by lengthening the movie Rush Hour, which I believe is one of the circles of hell.  Although, this problem seems to be easily rectified:  avoid watching Rush Hour, and you should be fine.  Damn, God is easy to defeat.

Sadly I could not take a picture of the sign so I had to find one on the internet.  Turns out, churches have some kind of idiot sign maker they use together because this place has also used this sign as well.

I actually almost wrote a large post about this sign once.  I went through and typed questions into google and found that I did in fact get answers, whereas asking God got me zero results.  I ended up not posting it for some reason.  Or if I did, I cannot seem to find it.  Oh wait, I found it, I posted it over at the yummypancake.

In conclusion, please keep up the awesome church signs, they give me something to laugh about for 38 minutes.

24: 8:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

And just like that, I am right.  I said that it would only be a matter of time before the show got bogged down with stupid crap, and here we go.  I actually fell asleep during the show last night (had nothing to do with being up at 3:30 a.m.) and had to watch it today after work.

Jack basically did nothing all episode.  He sat in the car and tried to help Renee and did a bad job since she almost took a bullet.  No lies though, Renee only gets hotter each time I see her (she does have a sexy lazy eye, that is such a turn-on.)

The Dana subplot is absolutely retarded.  She is going to help her ex-boyfriend steal money or something by using CTU?  Sounds like a good plan.  DC Universe makes a good joke about how CTU should have the best background checks ever.  I made the same joke to a friend the other day.  Although, I wonder if she went into witness protection?

Hopefully next week is better.  Well it does have an almost naked Renee, that does sound better than this episode.

Football Sunday

Well today is Championship Sunday, and since I am keeping myself awake after working third shift, I figured I might as well make my picks.

NFC
I will be rooting for the Saints in this one.  I like the Saints, who doesn't?  Cool uniforms, great back story, and Drew Brees, what is not to like?  If the Vikings win, I will just tune out sports for the two weeks because I cannot imagine the idiotic crap I will be forced to hear about Brett Favre. 

AFC
This might be a pretty good game.  Great defense vs great offense.  Or it could end up being a really crappy game.  I will go with the second option.  Mainly because every time I think a game will be awesome, it ends up being boring and slow, with 46 punts.  Shoot me now.  Anyways, I will go with the Colts.  I like Peyton Manning, sue me.



And here is the new video from adultswim, but without my true father, Carl.  Try to make sense of anything Earl says, it is pretty rough.

New TV Shows

There are two new TV shows I have been watching that I figured should be mentioned.  One is hilarious, the other is umm, well we shall get to that.

Archer
Archer is the new show from the guys behind Sealab2021 and Frisky Dingo.  Instead of being on adultswim though, the new series is on FX.  Since it is on Thursday nights, I guess it is the season replacement for Always Sunny and The League.  If you are fan of those shows, you will probably enjoy Archer.

The show is about a secret agent, who is very James Bondesque.  Well he likes to drink and have sex, that is where they are similar.  After that, Archer is a complete moron.  Luckily his mom runs the organization he works for or he would probably be out of a job.  Not a show that you have to sit down every week and watch, just something great to tune in for 22 minutes, laugh a bunch and then flip the channel.  And that is not a bad thing.  Sometimes my brain cannot handle all the shows out there that have way too intricate of plots.

If you are wondering, the picture is of Lana Kane, Archer's ex-girlfriend, and the top agent at ISIS (where they work).  She is dating the nerdy comptroller in the show, which causes for some hilarious banter between her and Archer.

Human Target
The other show I am watching is Human Target on FOX.  I guess it is based on the comic book, which I never read.  Yes, I am a comic book guy admitting that I have not read everything out there.  Big deal, wanna fight about it?

The show is a formulaic action show.  Or at least it should be, unfortunately it will have this whole mystery angle, like how Christopher Chance got into the bodyguard business and how he used to be some kind of really bad guy.  Whatever, that can be eliminated.  Just blow stuff up, have some fights, guest star hot girls, and accept what you are.

There was a very funny moment during the pilot where Jackie Earle Haley gets threatened by some goons hired by some company.  He then tells them that they can go outside and rough him up since that is all they are authorized to do and that when everything is over he will pay a visit to their houses and murder (I think he implied murder) them in their sleep, as well as their families.  He then tells them all their personal information (full names, children's names, address...)  The dude plays a pretty funny/creepy guy on the show.

This could be a guilty pleasure show, or it could just annoy me fairly quickly.  Time will be the judge on that one.  Actually, I will be the judge over time.  Whatever.

Jersey Shore

I have never watched an episode of Jersey Shore.  No idea why anyone would want to really.  I understand the whole "it's like watching a train wreck...", but how does it not get old after three minutes.  I mean the bodies are all smashed up and there is tons of blood and carnage, but then what?  I mean, not that I ever stop and check out train wrecks.

I saw this Craig Ferguson skit about the show and it made me laugh.  Therefore, I will force you to watch it as well.  Damn it, sit still and watch it!  Sorry, did I hurt you?  I will buy you a pony. 

Girlfriend of the Week

Since I finished Mad Men seasons one and two, I have decided that it is appropriate for me to use Christina Hendricks as my GOTW.  I wanted to post pictures of her awhile back, but I felt that it would be odd since I had never seen an episode of the show.  Well, that is over, and I can post as many pictures of her as I wish. 

Damn, just look at those huge boobs.  I would try to be clever and say something about the rest of her, which is definitely hot, but how can you not just stare at her chest?

One of the best things about her on the show is that she still looks super hot, considering the setting is the 1960s, where she dresses a bit conservative for us youngsters.

I would love to work in an office if she were there.  Although, who knows how productive I would be (about as productive as the folks on Mad Men after a few drinks and the gatherings to discuss all the hot tail in the office).

I will leave you with one more photo, because it is my blog and I will do anything I damn well please.

I can guarantee that this will not be the last you see of her on this blog, once I get caught up with season three (when it comes out), I might write about each week's episode (as an excuse to post pictures of hot girls from the show, who wants to complain about that?)

Never Gonna Give You Up

Sometimes I think the whole rickrolling thing is getting old, then I see a video like this and I laugh for a solid two minutes.  I might have to start watching televangelist shows to call in and do funny stuff like this.  Although, I did call the 700 Club once and have them pray for my brother once.  I told them he was a gay demon.  The call-screener did not put me on the air and made me pray with him.  I was only thirteen, I will do better next time.

Awesome Video

Seeing Isabel Lucas in the previous post reminded me of how hot she was in Transformers 2, which then made me sad because that movie was such a steaming pile of poop.  I then began to reminisce about how awesome the real Transformers:  The Movie was, especially the fight scene with Optimus Prime and Megatron.

My favorite part is where Prime is driving to the rescue and after running a few Decepticons down, leaps into the air, transforms and starts shooting everyone.  Pretty badass for an 80s cartoon.  Oddly enough, you can actually tell what is happening, unlike the Michael Bay movies.

Vampires in Space

Last night I went and saw the movie Daybreakers, the vampire movie with Ethan Hawke and Willem Dafoe.  The movie is set in 2019, and the majority of the world has been turned into vampires.  Humans are an endangered species.  Ethan Hawke plays a hematologist who is working on finding a blood substitute so that the humans can repopulate.

The movie was pretty good.  It had plenty of interesting ideas on how a vampire world might look.  The interesting things were catching some of the news reports and whatnot, which usually show some of the drawbacks to know one being out in the daytime.  Willem Dafoe was pretty cool as the first former vampire, an auto mechanic who specialized into customizing cars so they could be driven during the day.  He delivers this gem of line to Ethan Hawke:  "livin' as a human in a world full of vampires is about as safe as goin' bareback with a five dollar whore."

If the vampires do not receive blood, they will turn into monsters called sub-siders (they live underground).  The calculations of scientists give the planet about a month before they run out of blood.  This is the backdrop for the movie, people going crazy and attacking each other for what blood is left.  Apparently this is supposed to represent human's dependency on fossil fuels and how we are using them at such a rapid pace.  I was actually wondering when I saw the preview if the movie was going to be more of a commentary on the "is being a homosexual a choice or is it genetic", especially with the way some vampires are against the idea of a cure.

The way the movie ended was a little bothersome.  Ethan Hawke discovers a cure to the disease that is vampirism.  He also discovers that if a vampire bites someone who has been reverted back to human, they become human as well.  Very cool idea.  In fact, they could have run with it, showing the future past the end point, where vampires live off the substitute and humans have no fear of vampires.  For a vampire, attacking a human could mean turning back, it would never be worth the chance.

Instead, it ends with the cliched driving into the sunset with a voice-over saying something like "we have a cure. blah blah blah."

I found it hard to believe that if the plague that changed everyone happened in 2009, that the world could recover and be running smoothly and normally by 2019.  Granted almost everyone was changed, but I highly doubt that it would just be simple conversion to everyone switching over to night time.

I would have rather seen the movie set in the year 2219.  After two hundred years, new forms of government would be set up, a whole different society might emerge.  You could keep most of the plot elements, just could add some backstory about the devastating wars that were fought by different vampire governments trying to establish themselves.

Anyways, this brings me to the title of this post, "vampires in space."  As I was leaving the theater, I realized that vampires would make the perfect astronauts.  Especially if there was some kind of blood substitute available.

So, if we use some of the more classic vampire myths out there, such as over time vampires become stronger and need blood less often.  An old vampire might get away with taking a few pints into space.  Older vampires can sleep for long periods of time.  This comes from Anne Rice, basically her way of glossing over time periods that she is uninterested in, the vampires decide to take a century or two nap.

If we developed some kind of lightspeed travel, it would still take a long time for a human to reach anywhere.  But hey, a vampire could just sleep through it.  Only drawback, sunlight.  Well I guess more importantly UV light.  I am sure the ship would have proper shielding from any UV light, make sure the spacesuits protect them from it.  We have seen in plenty of vampire movies (this one included) that vampires can go outside during the day as long as they are properly covered.

So, I propose that NASA begin working on a method of traveling close to lightspeed.  Vampires need to volunteer for the space program.  Win-win situation.

Oh, and by the way, Isabel Lucas has a small role in the movie.  She plays a hot girl.  I think she had something to do with the plot, but I could not stop thinking about how much I want to umm....

24: 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.

So far this season is doing just fine.  They are keeping the stupid mini-plots to a minimum and so far the plot has not gotten out of control.  It will eventually, I know this, but so far it is nice to see that whatever the terrorist plan was in the beginning is still somewhat related to what is going on.  I am sure that after awhile though another plan will be revealed to be the true plan and then blah blah blah.

Whatever, Agent Walker came back to the show.  Apparently she is an expert on Russian gangs.  She goes back undercover, with Jack because he does not trust her, and all sorts of great things happen.  First of all, she is hot, freckles/red hair/huge boobs=AWESOME.  Then, she cuts a dudes thumb off, which Jack does not approve of.  This is the same Jack who once quit CTU so that he could go outside and torture a guy for a few minutes (I think the guy was a lawyer).  He always pushed a wet cloth down a guys throat once and used electricity on his girlfriend's ex-husband.  Yeah, Sexy Agent Walker is going over a line...

I cannot wait for next week to see what craziness these two kids will get into next!

In case you did not see her going to town on some dude's thumb, here is is.

Close Encounters of the Stupid Kind

So, last night I went over to State College.  I went to Champs for a few beers and the tastiness of a Wave Runner.  I did not drink that much (four or five beers), then I went over to Wal-Mart to buy toothpaste and check out what movies came out.

I left Wal-Mart with my toothpaste and a bottle of Mountain Dew.  As I was getting on the interstate my drink fell out of my lap and onto the floor, I reached for it and crossed into the passing lane.  I realized what happened and immediately swerved back over.

My first thought was "man, I hope no cops saw that, they would think I was hammered."  No sooner did I think that thought when I see a car behind me.  I am doing about 73 mph and then the lights flip on, it's a cop.

Officer Tallguy:  Know why I pulled you over?
Me:  Yes sir, probably because I was swerving back there.
Officer Tallguy:  That and you were speeding.  73 in a 55.
Me:  I thought this was a 65?
Officer Tallguy:  Doesn't change to a 65 for another quarter mile.  Have you been drinking this evening?
Me:  Yes, I had a couple at Champs.
Officer Tallguy:  Step out of the car. 

So I get out and he and his partner (Officer Shortguy) proceed to bombard me with questions about how much I drank and yadda yadda.  Officer Tallguy then performs the pen test.  He asks his partner for his advice and Officer Shortguy says he wants to try it because Officer Tallguy was shaking.

I  do the test a second time and they say that I passed it.  Unfortunately they say that I smell like I have been drinking for quite awhile.  So they make me do the heel-to-toe test.  Here are the instructions that I hear:  take nine steps then step and turn.  Then take nine steps back.  Apparently I misunderstood, I thought that meant on the ninth step, step and turn.  In reality it meant to step and turn after eight. 

We discussed the semantics of this for about five minutes.  They said I did okay on the test except for the counting part, but that I also wobbled during the turn.  I told them that I was pretty nervous (my legs were shaking) and that the interstate has a decent grade to it.  They acknowledged this and gave me two options.

Option A:  They take me someplace where I wait for a few hours and then have someone bring me to my car.
Option B:  They take me to the hospital and they test my blood.

I decided to take option A.  They took me to the State-College-Branch-of-The-Place-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named-For-Fear-That-Someone-From-Human-Resources-Reads-This-Blog-and-Will-Fire-Me.  I tried to call Kacie for a ride, but she was a bit out of it. 

Luckily for me, another cop came into the SCBoTPTSNBNFFTSFHRRTBAWFM, who I know from my days of working there.  He hears me explaining what happened to Kacie and says that he will drive me to my car when he is done eating.  He tells me to go out to his car and grab the breathalyzer.  He and his fellow officers tell me that I reek of alcohol and they place bets on what I will blow.

They all believe that I will be over the legal limit.  Haha, jokes on them, I only blew a .065.  They said that if the cops had given me one when the pulled me over I probably would have been over by a little bit.

Damn, I was quite lucky.  The funny thing is I was just telling my brother how I needed to stop going to Champs because I realize that I am pressing my luck.  Well those days are over.  I will take his advice, get a case of beer and drink at my place instead of heading over there.  Unless I have a place to stay, which will be never.

We had some good times Champs, but I am sorry that it must come to an end.  I will miss you.

24: 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.

I had no desire to sit through another season of 24, yet after seeing some previews and then reading about it over at dcuniverse, I decided to give it a shot.  Like every season the first episode is always good and gets me super pumped.  Unfortunately I can already see where things will go downhill.

Obviously Dana will do something incredibly stupid because of her hillbilly blackmailer.  This same something will lead everyone to think she is a terrorist, but in fact the true mole is probably Arlo. 

Fox should do a little cross over, bring in Tim Roth from Lie to Me to interrogate all the witnesses.  He gets things done on his show in less than an hour.  Just saying that it might be quicker.

I definitely enjoyed when Jack gets the lecture from his daughter about doing the right thing, and then comes back into CTU.  His voice changes, his demeanor changes.  He is basically like an anti-terrorist machine.

Interesting Stephen King connection (for those of you who believe that everything belongs on a certain level of the Dark Tower), the president's main guy (Ethan) is played by Bob Gunton, who also played the warden in The Shawshank Redemption (the guy who was being obtuse).  The badass assassin guy (who shot his friend's wife in the leg) is played by Doug Hutchison, the weaselly Percy from The Green Mile.

Anyways, will his season be any good?  Probably not.  After a few hours, we will be forced to see the new chief of staff try to push Ethan out of his position.  President Hassan's brother will be caught as the assassin's helper, yet that will not be the true threat.  Instead we will find out that enemies of Hassan's country are going to be blow up the entire city New York with an antimatter bomb that was smuggled in only days ago by a former FBI agent, Renee Walker! DUH DUH DUUUHHHH!  Or something.

Anyone still watch this show?

Weekend Video

This weeks video is pretty damn hilarious.  Carl makes fun of Mark Sanchez getting "dirty."  That kind of joke never gets old. 

Girlfriend of the Week

If you were wondering why there were no pictures of Rachel McAdams with the Sherlock Holmes post, do not fear, she made GOTW.  She is smokin' hot, and is actually one of the few actresses that do not irritate me.  Even if she was in The Notebook, I will not hold that against her, since she was in Wedding Crashers and Family Stone...anyways

For me, it's the eyes (and fantastic body).  Just look at the way she stares at you, they are sexy enough to make me forget that she has a big forehead, or does it just seem that way?

Sherlock Holmes

Last night I finally got the chance to see Sherlock Holmes, the new Guy Ritchie film starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law.  I enjoyed it.  It had plenty of action, lots of funny moments, and a hot girl (Rachel McAdams).  Downey was awesome as usual, he does the whole eccentric genius quite well.

I read somewhere that the lady who runs the Conan Doyle estate is quite upset with how Ritchie portrays Watson and Holmes as maybe a little more than friends.  I never read the books, but I do not think he implies they are gay, instead he does the same thing that House did this week.  People see two guys living together and bickering about things, people just assume.

One of the funnier scenes is Watson and Holmes fighting about Holmes taking Watson's clothes, Holmes playing the violin at three in the morning, all the while Holmes is trying to either explain or justify these things to the people listening.  Quite amusing.

I do believe that all British movies should have subtitles so I can catch everything they are saying.  Or, the stupid guys who sneaked into the theater towards the middle of the film (I think they were Libyans) should be shot for talking the entire time and having their music playing.  I need to start carrying a gun, or a shovel.

Anyways, if you saw the movie let me know what you thought.  If you read the books and saw the movie, let me know what you thought.  If you ever ate Libyan food, let me know what you thought.

A Bunch of Random Stuff

Here are a few things that have been on my mind and I figured it would be easier to just write about them together instead of five or six separate posts.

Spider-Man 4
Apparently Sam Raimi and Sony could not come to an agreement about the fourth movie, so instead of trying to work something out, Sony scrapped the idea.  Instead of making a fourth movie, they are going back to reboot the entire series.

Yes, this did work with Batman Begins, but only because WB waited a few years and pretty much destroyed the franchise.  How can you reboot a franchise like Spider-Man?  I understand the third movie was not great, but the first two were incredible.  And then reading things like this really irritates me.  Why do I get the feeling that Peter Parker will be played by one of the Jonas Brothers? 

Conan O'Brien
For those of you who follow the late night talk show world, Conan is being asked to move back to his old time-slot, so Leno can move back to his, yet they would keep the shows the same (meaning Conan would still host the Tonight Show).

Needless to say, Conan has not been happy about this and is definitely voicing his opinion.  In fact, for those of you who remember classic Conan, he is basically back.  I always had a feeling that his zaniness would not really fit well with the 11:30 crowd, and it is good to see that Conan has said screw it and decided to just be a bit wackier.



You can watch his opening above and just laugh at how funny he is when he gets to be himself.  Also, for those of you who watch Craig Ferguson, he has plenty of jokes about the situation as well.  In fact he claims that no matter what happens, his show will still be the least watched and probably the worst.  Actually, his show cracks me up.

Pete Carroll
So as you have heard, Carroll took the job as coach of the Seattle Seahawks.  Yes, you read that correctly.  If I am not mistaken, hasn't he turned down like every NFL coaching job in the last few years?  Why all of a sudden would he want to leave USC for Seattle?  Could it be the fact that USC is about to come under major investigation and he is afraid of what they will find?  Probably.

That being said, I have a pretty interesting idea.  We all know that the Seahawks will fail.  I give it three years and then he is either resigns or gets fired.  I also believe that will be the point that a very old head coach of a certain university may retire.  I will give you a hint, his name rhymes with Go Flaterno.  Aside from the recent problems USC had with boosters (which may or may not be Carroll's fault, USC is basically the closest thing LA has to a pro football team, but I am getting off track.)

I would have no problem with Carroll taking over the coaching duties at Penn State.  I think that hiring an internal candidate would be a huge mistake and if there is someone like that out there, someone who could take PSU out of the mid-level elite programs and into the top tier programs, that would be fantastic.

Lane Kiffin
So, USC decided to hire Lane Kiffin as the head coach.  Talk about a guy who wins when he fails.  "Hey I was a lousy coach at Oakland!"  Fine, be the head coach of Tennessee.  "I had a mediocre season there!"  That's okay, try your hand at USC.  I am scared that if USC only wins six games next year what could happen:  Lane Kiffin chosen as Emperor of the World.  Or the new Spider-Man...

Mark McGwire
McGwire came clean about using steroids. I do not think it came as a shock to anyone.  I would say more about it, but really what else is there to say?  These guys did whatever they could to get an edge.  The only part I found laughable was McGwire claiming that the 'roids did not help him hit homeruns.  He still would have broken the record without them.  Somehow I doubt that Mark.

Mugshots Robbed!

Apparently while I was being tortured by bad versions of Montell Jordan's This is How We Do It, my friend Steve was being held up at Mugshots.  I do not have the full version of what happened, but here is Steve's text messages to me:
Steve:  Dude walkd in2 mugs @last call w a gun, robbd me matt n jeremy, nic was in the back, every1s ok.
Me:  Did they catch the guy?
Steve:  not yet, they think hes local tho, oh, n theyre not gettin me this time, my written statement is detaild as SHIT! It looks like 1 of ur fantasy books.
Me:  haha.  remember if they want to plea jump at it.
This goes on for a bit, especially a few jokes about us being lawyers (Steve told some girl he knows who we bumped into at the courthouse that we were lawyers...) and then I ask if Steve is still going to Mugshots.

Steve:  No dude, im here now, its sad 2say but its not the 1st time a strap was in my face, n prob wont b the last haha, +dude was the WORST robber ever, it was actually kinda funny

Forgive the guy for the text speak, I was going to clean it up, but since everyone in the world now talks like this, I figured it would probably be easier for everyone to read.  He then tells me to check KDKA for a video of Danny, the manager of Mugshots, wearing a suit and talking about the incident.  It is right here.  Anyways, I cannot wait to head to Mugshots to hear this whole story.

Weekend Update

I had a pretty awesome weekend.  Why?  Well I was off and that always makes it 46X better than going to work.  Anyways, here is a recap of the weekend, this should be about as fun for you as a rectal exam!

Friday
I got home from work around five and decided to just relax for a little bit.  After awhile I took a shower and got ready with the intention of maybe going out for a beer or something.  Well I sat down on the couch and ended up finishing my book.  After that I no longer felt like going anywhere, so I curled up on the couch and watched the first half of the second season of Mad Men.


Saturday
I woke up Saturday and decided to clean up my apartment a little bit.  Nothing major, just emptying the trash, throwing away soda bottles...etc.  Then I went to the grocery store and spent the majority of my $100 gift card from my mom.  Finally have food in the apartment again.


Around four I went over to have dinner with Kacie at Red Lobster (which she and her friends call "The Lob", yes it is gay).  We had this really cute waitress server seafood expert named Alyssa.  A seafood expert?  Yes, she apparently knows everything there is to know about the proper methods for filleting tilapia.

We left there with the intention of seeing a movie, to kill time we headed to Target.  Kacie decided she did not want to see a movie and that we should buy a game or something instead.  I call my mom and she says that she is up for some Scrabble, so Kacie and I head over to my mom's house.

We play a game of Scrabble with my mom (she kicks our asses) and watch the Eagles get destroyed by the Cowboys.  Mom goes to bed, so Kacie and I play another game, which I win. 

Sunday
I get up and decide it is time to do laundry.  Not only do I do the laundry, but I put it away.  Simply amazing.  I also read some comics and watch football all day.  I went over to my brother's place to watch the new Family Guy Star Wars DVD, which was quite funny.  Later that night Kacie calls and wants me to go to the Arena for karaoke.

I head over and get tortured by people singing badly.  People need to stop singing crap like Rob Base.  And if you do insist on giving us some good old early 90s rap, then please tuck your t-shirt into your jeans.  That makes you look gangsta.  Also, Robert, do not sing Coldplay...

Karaoke can be a good time, especially if you are drunk enough and do not notice how bad everyone is singing.  Unfortunately that was not the case for me, plus if you have ever gone enough you learn that everyone does the same songs at every karaoke bar in the world.  Why do they have the huge book?  Just get a sheet of paper with like 50 songs...

Anyways, we left there and headed back to my place where we drank some more beers and discussed comics.  So, you may be asking the question "what made the weekend so good?"  Well I did not do all the much, yet I felt like I got a lot accomplished.  It was nice to not drink (especially on Saturday), actually nicer not being hung over all weekend and sleeping each day away. 

And so you do not feel like this was a complete waste of your time, here is a picture of January Jones from Mad Men.  She is so hot.

Football Season Over

Well for most of us football season has practically ended.  I will watch the playoffs, but it really is not all that exciting watching teams you do not care about.  For those of you who remember my predictions for the year, I still have a chance to be correct for the Super Bowl (which I have off that weekend, no plans yet...)  Also, I did better than last year by getting five of the division winners correct.  Also, I correctly guessed 17/32 places.  I do not know how good that is or if it is mostly luck.  Offord beat me though with 18 correct, but only four division winners.  I think that should even out.  I hate to point out that over at the pancake, Ryan only got 15 right.

Anyways, one of the things I keep hearing on the radio is the question "what happened to the Steelers?"  I figured this would be a good time to toss my two cents in.  I believe that instead of it being just one factor, it seems to be a combination of multiple things.

In my opinion, they only really lost one game this year.  I know you are probably thinking I am insane, but aside from the Browns game, they either gave the game away or just had things go against them.  The Browns just beat them.

Here seem to be the main culprits for their demise:  Offensive Line, Injuries, Play Calling, Team Identity...

Offensive Line
I used to be of the opinion that the line sucked and that was why Ben got sacked so many times, but now I do not believe that.  We just have to accept that Ben will be sacked.  He holds the ball, and this is not a bad thing.  He makes things happen.  We have to take the good with the bad.  The line does seem to have trouble opening holes for the running backs, or maybe the backs just do not hit the holes fast enough.  Who knows?

Injuries
It sucks to lose Troy and A.Smith for most of the season.  But, that is not an excuse.  If Patriot fans had bitched because they lost Brady the year before, would Steelers fans say "oh yeah, if you had Brady, we may not have won the Super Bowl."?  Probably not, they would say "injury is part of the game."  Well it is part of the game, we learned that the hard way.

Play Calling
This seems to be one of the big ones.  People can find a play they disagreed with every game the Steelers lost that was a bad call.  Yes, running a sweep on third down against the Chiefs was probably a poor decision.  Although, if it works people call it genius. 

Team Identity
I hear this one the most though.  "They stopped playing Bill Cowher football!  They pass too much, they do not run the ball."  Would Cowher still be trying to push the run if he had the offensive talent the Steelers have?  He would be stupid to try it.  They have a good QB, 3 talented WRs, and a helluva TE, and people think they should just pound it up the middle?

And, Cowher football was boring.  Yes it won games, but I cannot tell you how many times I switched to another game during the fourth quarter.  At least now I get to watch a nail-biter each week and wonder if I am going to have a heart attack.

Also, the "pound the run" style of play never really won Cowher a Super Bowl.  Once Ben came and started to become the focal point of the offense (well in Super Bowl XL they used more trick plays than ever, but you get my point), then they started to win the big games.  Not trying to take anything away from Cowher, but this team can get away with passing more, they just need to find the right balance. 

A Storm of Swords and A Feast for Crows

As most of you know, I have been reading the series A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin.  Well the reason for a lack of posts is not due to me being busy with work or the holidays.  Instead, I have been consumed with books three and four of the series.

A Storm of Swords
So far this has to be my favorite book of the series.  It just constantly surprises you.  Martin seems to give us more variety of POV characters.  Obviously, since he has a habit of killing them in the first two books.

At the beginning of the book I truly hated Jaime Lannister.  There was absolutely nothing to like about the guy.  Yet his constant berating of Brienne and his explanations as to why he broke his vows seem to give him a whole new range.  Then he does the unthinkable, after losing his hand he goes back to rescue Brienne from being raped.  From that point on  I was convinced he was a character I would like.

Plenty of death though.  Unexpectedly Robb Stark is murdered along with his mother, although Bran and Rickon are fine, so no worries there.  Arya is captured by just about everyone and then escapes on a ship toB Braavos.  Really though, has one family ever been through so much crap before?

There was no sweeter moment in the book though than when Joffrey finally bit the bullet.  The more shocking result of that death was definitely Jaime freeing his brother Tyrion.  Amazingly enough, Tyrion sets out and kills his own father.  I actually had to reread that to make sure I was not imagining things.

Each chapter of the book was great and it was almost impossible to put down at times.  Which led me to buying the fourth book immediately and finishing it in a few days.

A Feast for Crows
This is the book that people seem to dislike compared to the others.  I know that Greg only gives it two and a half stars in his review, but I did not have the same complaints.  I found the book just as engaging and actually thought it was interesting on the character choices Martin decided to use as POVs.

Jaime became my favorite character of this book.  I feel bad for him at times, yet he still shows signs of being a no good son-of-a-bitch, which is not a bad thing.  His ending is great, with him not responding to his sisters cry for help.

The saddest part of the book comes from Brienne.  She is on a quest to find Sansa, a quest given to her by Jaime, who wants to keep his promise to Caitlyn Stark.  Brienne never finds the girl, instead she is captured by the resurrected Caitlyn.  She is giving the option to either hang or use the sword Jaime gave her to kill the Kingslayer.  Brienne refuses to harm Jaime, and she dies for it.  Or does she?  I do hope that she makes it out alive.

My favorite parts were actually told from Sansa's POV.  Littlefinger's scheming amazes me.  The fact that he has been setting up for Cersei's demise is awesome.  When he tells Sansa of his plan to marry her off so that her husband becomes the Lord of the Vale, and they reveal her true identity, that would mean they would rule the Vale and the North.  Not a bad seat of power.

After reading some of the internet rumors and theories, I can proudly say that I am not the only one to come up with the idea that Jon's parents are Lyanna and Rhaegar.

It seems that the prince of Dorne was trying to wed his daughter to Viserys, but he died.  Apparently he was going to restore the rightful king to the throne somehow.  Or at least jump on the bandwagon if Viserys had returned with an army.  I wonder if his plan is still the same and if that is why his son is now out that way.  Maybe not marry Dany, but instead pledge allegiance to her.

I do not believe that Arya will be permanently blind.  I think this will be a way of teaching her a lesson.  Or maybe not.  At this point it would not surprise me if she died or if she became a master assassin or she somehow ended up commanding the Others.  I did enjoy that she kept herself in check when hearing Lord Snow, unlike Sansa.

Anyways, no one in the world knows when the next book will be out.  It seems like it keeps getting pushed back.  Hopefully soon though.  I do not know if I can start another series at the moment, this one has drained me.

Girlfriend of the Week

This is the first GOTW of the new year and I decided to go with a good one. I noticed the whole facebook thing about girl's posting their bra color to help support breast cancer awareness or something. And I thought, I like boobs, I do not want to see boobs go away. And so I started checking out pictures of girls with nice boobs and I remembered porn star Brandy Talore. She has huge boobs.

So here is to boobs across the world.  Please take good care of them ladies and remember, if you need a free breast exam, I am always willing to help you out. 

Lost: The Final Season

On February 2nd, which should be a national holiday of some kind, I will be the happiest guy alive. Why is that you ask? The final season of Lost premieres. I know some of you have stopped watching (or continue to watch, but say you stopped watching), but I have no clue how you could not want to check this out.

I recently watched the final episode of last season again and was still blown away by how awesome it was. Here are some thoughts from my post about that episode and some of my predictions...

The statue is apparently not Set or Sobek, instead it was of Taweret, which is kind of interesting since she has something to do with pregnancy and as we know, the island is weird about pregnant chicks.

Who do Jacob and his friend represent? Well I guess we should call him Locke2. What will happen now that Jacob is dead? Will Richard die? After looking at Nick's comment, I wonder if Richard was on the Black Rock and somehow came to be involved in some "cult" of Jacob.

Jacob was reading a book when Locke fell out the window. It was a collection of short stories by Flannery O'Connor called Everything That Rises Must Converge. Interesting. Apparently the stories are about people learning moral lessons. Have the characters learned lessons about their own lives? I would say yes.

More interesting Jacob stuff. Apparently he touches all the people in the flashbacks and says sorry in some way to most. What does all that mean? I have no clue. Also, if you read plenty of other sites about this, there is a question about the guitar that he leaves in the cab with Hurley. I believe the guitar is Charlie's. In fact, I would not be surprised if Charlie is brought back somehow.

Many people think this is impossible since Charlie and Juliet both appear on new shows (both on ABC, and most likely, both with different filming schedules than Lost). I would be fairly shocked if they both did not make an appearance this season.

Anyways, let me know what your thoughts are on the upcoming season.

Sex Tails, A Woo Hoo Pt. 5

Before you all start to think that I am some kind of sex god, I figured I might as well write about some of my failures. Every guy has had them, things look good and then all of a sudden you are back home rubbing one out. No shame in it, happens all the time.

Champs Girl One
One of the perks of going to Champs every night and living right up the street is that you get to know a good many bartenders and servers. Many nights I would sit out at the front bar and usually the waitresses would talk to me when they came up to get drinks (it is always smart to sit near the service area).

One night, this one really hot girl is talking to me (her name is Angela) and we are flirting back and forth. She gives me her number and I head back to the apartment with Gideon. We are playing cards or something when she sends me a text asking if I want to come over. I have Gideon drive me over, she lives in Toftrees and I figure it would be smart to not have my vehicle...

I get there and we have a few drinks and discuss all sorts of things. We keep flirting and even make out a little. Then comes the moment. I figure things are going to get sexy. Instead she brings out her bong and wants to know if I want to smoke weed.

Not really what I expected. After that we head to the bedroom and make out for a bit more then she passes out. Odd right? A few nights later I see her at Champs and she is like "hey we should hang out again." So, I give it a second shot. Head over to her place and the same thing happens. If you are wondering, I did not partake in any marijuana, it is illegal.

The next morning we wake up and her sister comes over for something. They are talking and Angela introduces me and the sister is like "oh, so this is Josh." Very weird, right? I went over one last time, and ended up leaving before anything happened. Why? Well I come in, and there are lines of coke on the coffee table. Obviously not the kind of girl I should be hanging out with. I went home and laughed about it with Gideon.

Champs Girl Two
I met another girl, maybe Stacie or something like that, in much the same way. Only this night we drank when her shift ended. She told me how she was from Clearfield and blah blah blah. She suggests going to my place for a drink.

We get to 224D and head to my room to have a beer. She wants to look at my pictures from Jordan/Egypt. This must be some kind of aphrodesiac for girls. I start showing them my pictures and immediately they want to start making out. We are making out and things are seeming to go well. Very well. And then out of nowhere she stops and goes "I should go."

What? She wanted to come over, what the hell could have changed? Anyways, after that, we texted a few times, but never really hung out after that.

Tampon Girl
This next story is not for the faint of heart. One night I am talking to this girl, and we come back to my place. I would say that there was making out or anything, but there really was not. She was down for some sex.

There she is, lying on my bed. Naked, ready to go. I am about to penetrate, when she says wait, and reaches down and grabs a little string, which I did not notice until this moment. She gives it a tug and her tampon comes out.

I swear to you, it made this sound: KERRR-thunk. Like someone pulling a plug out of a drain. She then tosses the damn thing into my trash can like it was a napkin or something. She looks at me and says "okay, now we can do it." Ugh, sorry honey, not getting my red-stripe today. Plus, the smell hits me and I do not think lil' Joshy was up for it anymore. I asked her to leave after that.

Damn, that still makes me gag.

New Look

Well it's the new year. I decided to make some changes to the blog, hope you all like the new look. I wanted to brighten things up. I also cleaned up the links a little bit and got rid of a few.

I have a question for those of you who are better at this sort of thing, how can I get rid of or modify the links at the top (underneath the title)?

For the upcoming year what kind of things would you like to see more of, less of, whatever? Let me know, your opinion almost matters.