Fantasy Baseball Week Twenty-One

Woo-hoo!  I beat Offord 7-4!  Unfortunately, my team did not play all that great.  Well the pitching sucked.  I think all of my starters decided to just pretend it was batting practice.  I mean look at these numbers:  8.71, 6.75, 67.50...those are just the starters ERAs.  Well some of them (the first one is Ted Lily, who had two starts and a win).  Fortunately, my hitting came through for once with a nice win.

My two studs were Ryan Braun and Joey Votto.  The nice thing is that everyone else (minus a catcher, yeah I am looking at you Miguel) hit well enough to not sink those two down.

Anyways, this win did not do much for me in the standings.  In fact, this is the last week before the playoffs.  I must win.

Fall Television Shows

Can you believe that it is time for the TV shows to come back on?  That is actually kind of depressing.  Summer went by way too fast.  I have not done a preview of what I will be watching in awhile (2 years), but it seems like a good idea since so many good shows ended last year.  Okay actually just Lost and 24, but you get the point.

Sons of Anarchy
Oh god yes!  Thank you for coming back.  Do you realize how tough it was waiting for this season?  Granted, I finally watched season one during the summer, and it was absolutely awesome.  Anyways, Jax will have to go after Cameron, who kidnapped his son.  I am sure that Jax and Clay will put aside their issues for the time being (like they did in order to deal with Gemma's rape) and reign fire down upon Ireland.  Good. 

House
Last season ended with House and Cuddy finally hooking up.  How will this change our favorite doctor?  Honestly, it is a good thing that the show is funny because the plot is generally pretty weak.  Anyways, it always makes me laugh, and really, what else is there to watch on a Monday?

Supernatural
Sam and Dean defeated the devil and the rest of the dickbag angels.  Dean survived and decides to settle down with Lisa.  As the show ends we see that Sam has indeed survived and is happy to see Dean moving on.  I am sure they will be reunited somehow and they will go back to killing things.  As I say all the time, hopefully they will head down to Louisiana to take out some vampires, werewolves, werepanthers, fairies, and shifters...

Other Shows I Will Be Watching
The League
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Human Target
V
Destination Truth
Terriers
The Event
Boardwalk Empire
The Walking Dead

You might be asking why I would punish myself by watching V again.  I honestly have no idea why I will watch it.  It might have something to do with the hot girls...and the shitty story.

So, what shows will you be watching? 

Hilarious Video

I know this is old, but it always makes me laugh.  

Girlfriend of the Week

This is a picture of all the hot girls I am seeing at the beach right now!

You may have to open this up and zoom in a good bit to see them...

True Blood Fans

Hahahahaha, this cracked me up.

How Are My Baseball Predictions Going?

Without getting into my division predictions, I want to share my thoughts on the different award contenders.  I will try not to use many statistics since I know that freaks some people out...

Let us look at the American League first.
MVP
I believe it comes down to these guys:  Josh Hamilton, Robinson Cano, Miguel Cabrera, and Evan Longoria.  As most of you know I picked Longoria in the preseason, so I am still pulling for him.  I know most people would say Hamilton, but I would have to give it to Cano.  He is giving you similar production, but from the second-base position.

Cy Young
I picked Felix Hernandez and I honestly think he could end up winning, oh wait, he has a 9-10 record.  That does not help his cause, even though he is still one of the best pitchers in the AL.  The contenders:  Clay Buckholz, David Price, Cliff Lee, and CC Sabathia.  Lee has the unfortunate record as well, but he has been the best pitcher this season in the AL.  Sabathia will probably win because he might end up with 20 wins, but if the Rays win the division, I could see David Price getting the award.

ROY
I picked Austin Jackson and he could win it.  Although, I just realized that Neftali Feliz qualifies as a rookie.  He could end up with 40 saves, on a division winner.  Yeah, he will most likely win the award.  He has been fantastic this year.  Jackson started the year playing ridiculous.  He then slumped for awhile and has now started coming back around.

And now on to the National League.
MVP
I think this comes down to Joey Votto and Albert Pujols.  They are battling not just for one statistic as the overall leader, but instead they are having a race for the Triple Crown.  It is such an impressive thing. 

Cy Young
There are some good pitchers in the NL.  I would say the debate will come down to Roy Halladay (my pick), Adam Wainwright, Tim Hudson, and Ubaldo Jimenez.  If you give the award out at the All-Star break, Jimenez would probably have been handed the trophy.  I still think Halladay is the best pitcher in the NL, but if Wainwright or Jimenez hit 20 wins, they might be seen as more deserving. 

ROY
My pick of Alcides Escobar kind of sucks.  At least I took Jason Heyward as my secondary pick.  I think many people would have given him the award at the beginning of the year, but now I think you have to look elsewhere.  Personally, I feel that Buster Posey is the best of the bunch (or maybe Starlin Castro, who I feel started out so slow, but I realize now is hitting over .300).  However, I could see Jaime Garcia winning the award.  I do not know how I feel about that though.

Fantasy Baseball Week Twenty

You know you are having a bad season when you go 10-1-1 and that does not bump you up the standings at all.  I am still in sixth place, but at least now I am closer to passing Gideon.  The rough thing is having to root for Ryan/Offord in order for me to have a better week.

You know it is a good week when Jason Heyward can go 4/4 with 2 home runs and you have him on the bench.  Austin Jackson also came back to life this week, six runs, .387 average, .406 OBP.  And he hit a home run, which is rare for him.

The only negative spot came from my pitching not getting wins.  I only picked up two, which they came from the guys who pitched twice.  Oddly enough though, they both pitched great, but only picked up one win each.  I am going to have to give up on Edinson Volquez though, he had a terrible this week and then yesterday he got destroyed.  So it is time to cut him lose.

This week I take on Offord.  I need Ryan and Pat to destroy their opponents (Happy Valley Swagger and Gideon respectively), so good luck to those guys as well.

This Week's Shitty Television Women Saga

 Mad Men
 This was an excellent episode.  Before I get into the title of this post, let me talk about the other stuff in the episode.  There is nothing better than seeing Don Draper at work.  At first I was worried that Don was going to be in trouble with this new guy, but then he comes up with this brilliant plan to destroy him.  It was so impressive.  Another great thing was watching Roger go at it with Pete.  Roger was full of great lines.

That now brings us to Betty Draper.  Or as I like to call her:  World's Worst Mother.  First, Sally cuts off her hair, which Betty smacks her for.  Then, Sally starts playing with herself, which Betty thinks she is abnormal.  She wants to send her daughter to a psychiatrist (actually Henry does, since Betty does not think for herself), and she calls Don to inform him.  She sounds like such a nutcase. 

I also love how the doctor realized that Betty is crazy.  She suggests that Betty see her on occasion, in order to go over Sally's progress.  Betty is more childish than Sally.  I love how she thinks all of Sally's behavior can be attributed to Don's sex life.

True Blood
Am I the only one who wants Tara to die already?  Just get over all this crap already.  Remember how she was funny in the first episodes where she would get angry about any kind of racial remarks?   Well she does the same thing about vampires.

She is just so boring.  Her story sucks.  The way she gets all upset and talks fast like a spaz, ugh.  And now Jason has told her the truth about Eggs.  Hopefully Russell will fly in and pull her head off.  That is all I ever hope for.

We found out that Crystal is a werepanther.  I am confused, why was Calvin so anti-shifter?  I thought werewolves and werecats were just shifters who can only shift into that one animal.  Or did I imagine that from one of the seasons?  I guess I imagined that...

 Oh and we finally found out what Sookie is:  a fairy.  Big freakin' deal.  I pretty much said that last week (or did you people not get my reference?  Probably not).

Girlfriend of the Week

As you know, my future wife's movie opens today (Piranha 3D), and I figured since I have let her be the GOTW before, today I would use one of her co-stars:  Kelly Brook.  I do not need to say anything else do I?

Crystal Meth and Football

Crystal Meth
When you picture a meth dealer, what do you see in your mind?  I see these kind of people:

T.C. from the Preacher comics.  Fish rape is always funny.

Calvin Norris from True Blood

But does anyone ever picture this?  A figure skating champion?  Seriously, does she look like the type of person that is running a meth lab?  Trying to destroy people's lives?  Not to me.  Sadly though, Nicole Bobek was arrested and charged with conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine. 

It is good to see that kids who are yanked out of school in order to fulfill a dream of figure skating, could fall down a dark path.  She grew up without friends and then went a bit broke, so she decided to turn to dealing meth as a way to support herself.  Great call. 

Penn State Quarterback Issue
Apparently the QB situation at PSU is not the greatest.  From what I am hearing (mainly from radio shows and the local papers), neither Kevin Newsome or Matt McGloin look all that spectacular.

Fortunately, the one who has looked good so far is true freshman Robert Bolden.  He is big, strong, and quite mobile.  According to BleacherReport, he would probably be the most appropriate to take over the HD Spread Offense.

The Nittany Lions are not going undefeated this year, heck they could possibly lose as many as five games this year (which would really suck).  Why not start Bolden?  Give him the shot.  Look at what other freshman QBs have done.  Yes, he will have his moments of failure, but those moments will be better than moments of failure during huge games in the future.  That is what always seems to happen with PSU, the quarterback gets little chances and then is thrown into a situation they are not ready for...

Christ
"Live a life worth imitating by imitating Christ."
That is the newest sign the crazy church has up on the way to work.  It made me laugh for a solid five minutes because all I could picture was a bunch of 30-somethings being nailed to a cross.  Yeah, that would be a life worth imitating.

Always look on the bright side of life...

Or even better, maybe I will start going around to funerals and try to raise the dead guy.  When the mourning ask what the hell I am doing, I will just blame Christ.  "Hey man, he could raise the dead, right?  I am just imitating my hero JC."

Never mind, the Lutheran's already beat me to it.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Allow me to start this off by saying that I do not read the comic.  I think I picked up an issue at Free Comic Book Day awhile back and I really did not think it was all that amazing.  Unfortunately, I must be in the minority, since every comic fan out there says it is the greatest thing ever.

Also, when I first started seeing the previews for this movie, I thought it looked a little weird.  Fortunately, it was directed by Edgar Wright, who also directed Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, two movies I loved.  I figured it would be at least somewhat funny.

Let me just say that the movie was pretty damn good.  It makes fun of the cool/trendy/hipster kids, while also being part of that same group.  It has a simple plot, yet it Wright does it so well that you are entertained the other time.  In fact, I recommend you read Vince's review over at Filmdrunk.  As usual, he says it much better than I ever can.

The fact that Superman was in the movie (Brandon Routh) made it that much better.  I liked him as Superman, I do not care what anyone says.  And he gets to help make fun of vegans, which is always a plus in my book.  Oh, and then Thomas Jane shows up as a member of the Vegan Police.  It was actually amusing.

Anyways, the movie is pretty good.  You should definitely check it out.  Also if you like really cute girls, then check it out, this movie has a few of them...

Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Anna Kendrick

Aubrey Plaza

Brie Larson

Ellen Wong

Comic Book Movie Grade:  B+/A-

Television That Me Watched Week Past

Mad Men

Watching a person's downward spiral is always fun, but in this case seeing Draper like this is quite sad.  Yeah, the Allison thing is kind of creepy, but that is not what bothered me.  When he had troubles remembering the idea Peggy wanted to use, that seemed like a low point.  He just seemed so out of it.  Through all of his exploits, the one thing that never really suffers is his work...uh oh.

Aside from that though, there were so many great moments in this week's show:
-Pete was awesome.  Especially when he calmly shrugs when his father-in-law calls him a son of a bitch.
-Peggy and the lesbian.  "He doesn't own your vagina."  "No, but he rents it."   I could totally see Peggy as a lesbian, but I think she could do a little bit better.  She bagged Pete and he bitches and moans like a woman...
-Was that Nic Cage dressed as a bear again?
-Don trying to type a letter to Allison while slightly inebriated.  I bet that would be the precursor to the drunken text message.

True Blood
Blah blah blah.  A bunch of idiotic stuff happened.  And then all of a sudden it went from ugh, to OH MY GOD THIS IS FUCKIN' AWESOME! 

Eric explains to Nan and the Authority why Russell is evil and how he needs to be stopped.  They basically do not believe him and issue an order that Eric has permission to rid them of Russell, but he will get no help from them.

Bill goes to the land of naked dancing.  I wonder if that lady is Queen Titania?  Or something similar?  How close am I on this one?  If Puck shows up, I will be happy.

The whole Jason/Sam/Crystal/Meth Dealer/Tommy/Tara/Franklin story is way too convoluted.  I actually zoned out when Tara was taken by Franklin.  The next thing I know Jason shows up and kills Franklin.  Thanks Jason for ruining my chance of world without Tara.

Like I said, I was starting to get bored with the episode and then it decided to blow my mind.  Nan is going down on some chick, when she hears a news report about the vampire rights amendment.  The news anchor's chest explodes because Russell jams his arm through him.  On live television.  He then sits down and gives a nice rant about how vampires are not equal to humans.  All while having a bloody arm and hold a man's spine.


How will people handle seeing a vampire like that?  Angry and virtually unstoppable.  Sadly, this is not something they will explore for very long.  I am sure that Eric will kill him at some point and the Vampire League will convince everyone that vampires are safe.

Eureka
My cousin asked me if I was enjoying this season.  Yes, this season is exploring something that I wish they had done two seasons ago.  Back then we saw an alternate time-line where Carter and Allison were married.  Carter has to go back in time to stop Henry from destroying the universe, but when he does, things change.  He and Henry remember the whole alternate time-line.  I do not think the writers were ready for that kind of story and decided to mindwipe Henry and Jack...

This time we get to see the repercussions of being in a different time-line.  In this last episode, Henry tells his wife everything and he later explains that he wants to get to know her.  I only wish that Nathan Stark would still be alive in this universe...

Fantasy Baseball Week Nineteen

This season is really going downhill for me.  It seems there is nothing I can do right.  At the moment my team is 103-106-19, which is good for sixth place.  Imler beat me 7-5 last week, mainly because I started out in a huge hole.  I completed a nice trade with Imler as well, Prince Fielder/Kevin Gregg for Tim Lincecum/Heath Bell.

My hitting was actually pretty good this week.  A solid .302 average and 9 HRs.  Of those home runs, four of them were from Miguel Montero.  Pitching was pretty decent minus Evan Meek and Jonathan Broxton.  Those guys really sucked.

This week I take on the worst guy in the league, I will lose 12-0.

Funny Video

I figured this video would be appropriate for most of my friends, since everyone I know quotes this movie three times per day...enjoy.

Girlfriend of the Week

This week's GOTW is Laura Ramsey.  Remember her from season two of Mad Men?  She played Joy, the odd rich girl from California, who Don has a one episode affair with.  Why would I make her the GOTW?  She is hot, why the hell else?

Doctor Visit

I went to see the doctor this morning.  Seriously, what kind of doctor wants to make appointments at 8:00 a.m.?  And what the hell was I thinking getting up that early?  Whatever, I needed to go.  Normally I would be too embarrassed to mention why, but I figure there is a mostly naked picture of me on here, what else could I possibly do or say that would be embarrassing?

The reason for this visit is a rash...on my genital area.  And before any of you jump to conclusions, it is just a fungal rash, not an STD.  I know how sick some of you bastards can be.  I have actually had it for awhile (two years) and it goes away with a little bit of cream.  No big deal.  It is not contagious or anything.  Anyways, I realized the other day that I was about out of the miracle cream and did not have a prescription, which means a trip to the doctor.

One of the things the doctor told me was that I should switch to boxers instead of boxer briefs.  I have not wore boxers since the 9th grade.  So, after my visit, I went to Peebles (a highly respectable the only store in Philipsburg) and bought a pack of boxers.  I am curious to see how it works out for me.  It may drive me insane and I cannot be held responsible for my actions the next few days.


Speaking of Peebles, can someone explain why the hell they sell Geoffrey Beene pants and ties, yet they do not sell Beene shirts?  For those that do not know, I mainly wear GB shirts to work.  They are more expensive, but they hold up much better than Van Heusen or Stratford, plus they are more comfortable. 

Sorry for that side tangent.  Back to the doctor.  While I was there the nurse made me step on the scale.  Holy shit!  179.5.  Right, basically 180.  I am a fat bastard.  Now, the doctor did say that the scale is heavy, plus I was wearing clothes, but still that might put me around 175, which is totally unacceptable.  Do you know what this means?  Me neither, but I will be sure to let you know when I figure it out.

You see that guy in the red shirt?  I still have that red shirt, it is a small!  I only weighed 150 back then and I was in great shape.  I would take a picture and show you what I look like now, but I do not want to frighten anyone.  Granted, I am almost 30 now and things are starting to fall apart, but come on, this is ridiculous. Radical lifestyle changes need to be made.  Also, I wish I still had that hat...

A Bunch of Randomness

Guess what today is?  Well yes, it is Wednesday, but that is not what I meant.  It is one of those days where I just put a bunch of random things out there.  Be prepare to be entertained.  And by entertained, bored out of your mind...

Baseball Stuff


Actually this video is not about the game, but of a funny fan.  This dude allows his girlfriend to get hit by a foul ball.  I would make fun of him, but I think it is hilarious.  Here is the lead in from Withleather:

It’s a tale as old as time – boy meets girl, boy courts girl, boy takes girl to Houston Astros game, boy turns hat sideways, batter hits foul ball, boy moves out of way, ball hits girl.

 It made me laugh.  Hope you enjoy.

Movies
I am off on Friday (woo-hoo for eight day stretches) and I want to see some movies.  Preferably, The Expendables and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.  So if any of you folks are around, please get in touch with me and we will see one or both.  I do enjoy a double feature...

Speaking of movies.  Is anyone else extremely excited for Piranha 3D?  Look at this cast listing, there are a bunch of hot chicks in this movie and it looks like a silly film.  Plus it has my girl:  Riley Steele.  God she is so freakin' hot.



Vacation Situation
Allow me to tell you all a story.  Each year I get three weeks of vacation time.  This year I decided to buy an extra week.  They do it by payroll deduction, and it is actually a very good deal since they take the money out of your gross pay, you barely notice the money is gone.

Normally I take my first vacation in April in order to go to the Pirates home opener, but this year because of some problems at work, I was not able to take vacation that week.  Instead I was just given days off for the game.

Now, it is the beginning of August and I still have two weeks left.  The problem is when should I take them.  I am thinking some time at the end of September, maybe the week before my birthday or maybe the week of my birthday.  What about the last one though?

Here is my thought on that, if I do not take that fourth week, they will send me a check for the amount.  Yes, a pretty sweet deal.  I am thinking of collecting that money and maybe buying a flatscreen television and maybe a PS3.  Why would I want a PS3?  Well it is a blu-ray player and even though I do not play video games, I could always play hockey, especially against my brother.

So what are your opinions on this situation?

UPDATE:  Hey, I added more books to the umm books page.  Check it out.

Why I Hate People

Sometimes people really piss me off.  They just annoy me with their stupidity.  People always think that I will be interested in their idiotic stories.  Or that I care about their lives.  Ugh.

The other day at work, one of my employees told me that he could not work Sunday because he had to take his mom to Pittsburgh for a MRI.  It sounded a little weird to me, but whatever.  He was upset that his mom might need surgery or she could end up paralyzed.  So, we asked the one lady who is always off Sundays if she could work for him.  She felt bad for him and agreed to come in.

On Sunday, the kid's friends were saying that he did not go to Pittsburgh, which obviously pissed the lady off.  The next day he heard about it and came to me and wanted to let me know that he really did go to Pittsburgh and he would bring paperwork from the doctor's office to prove it.

This is what I said to him, basically verbatim:  "I honestly do not care.  We covered your shift with someone who is better than you, it was not a big deal to me.  If you lied about your mom, that is messed up, but it does not concern me.  You may want to apologize to _________(lady who took his shift) or explain it to her."

Also, I hate small talk.  Especially if I am some where by myself.  Look, just because I am eating alone, does not mean I want company.  I am alone because I choose to be alone at that specific moment.  I like being alone at times.  So, if you are a waiter or waitress, and you see me reading a book while I eat, stop trying to strike up a conversation about what I am reading.  If you are yapping to me, then I am obviously not reading anymore. 

This also goes for those times when I stop at a bar after work for a beer.  Just because I am sitting by myself does not mean I want some dickbag to start discussing the weather with me.  There is never a time in my life when I am interested in discussing the weather.  However, if you do start discussing the weather then do not be surprised if I take it to a deeper level.  I might ask how you feel about weather affecting the world's economy.  Or something like that. 

And then we get to the questions people love to ask me.  Ugh. 
-Why are you an atheist?  Because I am a rational/sane individual who does not need to believe in imaginary beings to get through my day.  I am sorry that your limited intellect forces you to look to sky-beings in order to feel satisfied with life.

-Why don't you want to get married?  Marriage is basically just a religious construct, so I feel no need to succumb to such idiocy.  Although, if I ever did get married, it would be the weirdest wedding ever.  And the marriage would probably only be for tax breaks and insurance purposes.

People love to ask me why I lie so much.  The answer is that it is just fun.  People are gullible, it provides me with entertainment to see how much they will believe.  Here are some good examples:

-New girl at work is from Texas, she asks me if I have ever been out of Pennsylvania.  I tell her that I was born in Yemen and lived there until I was two years old.  She says that I do not look like I am from the Middle East.  I explain that my father was a diplomat over there and he then got transferred to another country.  She asks where, and I tell her that we lived in Norway for awhile, then in Japan.  Then my parents got divorced and we moved to Pennsylvania.  I told her that my dad started a family in Germany and then left them there and is now married to a woman in Australia.  She bought the whole thing.  Wow.

-Once when I was a server, a table was arguing about regional terms for food (soda vs. pop), and they were really getting into it over sub/hoagie.  They asked me where I was from and what we called them.  I said I was from Alaska and we just call them salmon.  They were confused, so I explained that in Alaska we have no bread and tons of salmon, so that is all we eat.  One of the reasons I moved to Pennsylvania.  As I walked away they were talking about it with such amazement.

I think if you read this blog long enough, you can go back and find hundreds of examples of me lying to people...I do enjoy it.

Wow, this is one, long rambling mess.  Whatever, enjoy it.

Fantasy Baseball Week Eighteen

Well I guess a win is a win.  Unfortunately it was not a huge win, only 6-5-1 against Pat.  Sadly, it kept me in sixth place behind pretty much everyone else.

How weird is it that my team won the rate states in hitting, but lost the rate stats in pitching?  On the other hand though, my accumulative stats in hitting sucked, I mean two home runs?  What the hell is up with that?  Oh well, best not to question the fantasy baseball gods. 

It was nice to see Ryan Braun having a good week, hitting .538, but the best surprise was Troy Tulowitzki, who hit .500 with one HR and one SB.  What a good pickup from the disabled list.  I guess his mullet gave him the power...

Pitching wise, well it was just such a shitty week for me.  Colby Lewis--16 Ks, yet zero wins.  Hell, of my two wins, one came from Broxton...a freakin' closer!  Shit is totally unacceptable. 

This week I take on Jason, who is also struggling lately.  Please baseball gods allow me to win.

I am an Uber-Nerd

This video claims to be every lightsaber ignition in the Star Wars movies?  I can think of a few that it missed just sitting here thinking back on the originals:  Vader and Luke's battle in the cave (granted it was just a vision of Vader, but it felt real to us...)


My first thought was of Vader when he first meets Obi-Wan on the Death Star, but Vader's lightsaber is already ignited (waste of batteries dude).  What about in Empire when Han uses the lightsaber to cut open the Tauntaun?  Or what about when Luke uses it to kill the ice monster?  Those are just a few I can think of off the top of my head.  Very sloppy work.

This Week in Television

Mad Men
This was the best thing I watched all week, hands down.  Don's trip to California to see Anna was quite interesting.  We learn that she has some kind of bone cancer and will die soon, unfortunately she does not know this because her sister did not tell her.  What the hell kind of person does that?

It was great seeing Don so vulnerable around her.  And I also loved the way they had her sitting there drinking and smoking on the couch, in the familiar "Don Draper Pose".  As much as the middle of the show was going into extreme downer mode, Don makes a quick turnaround into the always fun extremely-drunk funtime.

He and Lane decide to celebrate New Years together.  They get drunk.  Obviously.  These are some of the highlights:

-Seeing Godzilla at the theater (and drinking), Don comments that everyone is getting handjobs.  Lane asks what percentage and some lady shushes them.  Lane then starts making Japanese noises at the lady.  This is the beginning of Lane's drunken insanity.

-At some fancy restaurant, Lane stands up and puts his T-Bone steak in front of his crotch and exclaims that he has a giant Texas belt buckle.  Everyone cheers.

-Lane provokes a comedian who keeps insinuating that Don and Lane are gay by yelling they are not homosexuals (British folks are so funny when they say homosexuals), but that they are divorced.  He is becoming a new favorite character...

-Lane shocks the hell out of me by sleeping with the hooker Don arranged for him.  The next morning, he comes out of the room and looks so dignified, whereas Don looks like a train-wreck.  Oh and even better, Lane knew she was a prostitute.  I really thought he would freak out about the whole situation.

True Blood
Eric is awesome.  That is all that needs to be said.  He keeps leading Talbot on and eventually they start having some crazy homo-vampire sex.  In the middle of it though, Eric says that Russell took his family and now he will take Russell's.  He then kills Talbot, which causes Russell to stop beating the crap out of Bill.

How the hell do the meth dealers know that Sam is a shifter?  Are they wolves?  Obviously Sam and Tommy could sense something.  Oh Jason...

Sookie's cousin was very hot tonight in that lingerie.  I only wish I could find a picture...this one will have to suffice.  What did she tell Eric about Sookie?  What is Sookie?  I bet she is a descendant of Gandalf the White (not the Gray)...

Eureka/Warehouse 13
This week was the big crossover event.  Sadly, this was not what I expected.  Fargo and Claudia?  It was amusing I suppose, but it was definitely not what I expected.  Why not Claudia and Zoe?  Myka and Jack?  Jo and Pete...all characters that could cross and it could be entertaining.  Also, the blossoming romance between Fargo and Claudia is a bit weird since I got the sense that Claudia was a teenager...

Girlfriend of the Week

I figured this week's GOTW should go out to the original singer of the song from the video below. Yes, that is right: Katy Perry. Every time I hear "California Gurls", I get this image of a girl with huge boobs and blue hair, I wonder why that is?

Anyways, you should watch the parody video below from the band Sloppy Secondz, who are from eastern Pennsylvania. It is highly entertaining. And by below, I mean the post preceding this one (or you can click here).

Pennsylvania Guys

I am sure most of you have seen this video, but I figured I would share it anyway.  It made me laugh...

This Past Week in Television

True Blood
I thought my dream was about to come true:  maybe a few episodes without Sookie.  If she would have stayed in a coma for like three episodes, that would have been great.  But, if she wants to go back to orgy-land, then by all means, I could put up with her dumb questions and idiotic accent.  Sorry, sometimes I feel like she is the worst part of the show.

Do you think Tara is shitting her pants now that she realizes that Franklin is most likely still alive (or whatever vampire term is appropriate)?  Also, I loved the whole werewolf fight.  We figured at some point Alcide and Cooter would turn into wolves and duke it out.  Cooter started to change and then BAM.  Alcide just shoots him in the head.  Very wise.

Also, did anyone else think the doctor was a bit of a moron?
Doctor:  She has lost a lot of blood.
Tara:  How much did she lose?
Doctor:  A lot.

Wow, brilliant southern medicine.

Don chose the wrong secretary...

Mad Men
Did anyone else think that things were going to turn ugly when Don started kissing his secretary, Allison?  I mean, rape bad.  When she pulled away, I thought Don was going to go down a path that we would never be able accept.  Fortunately, she relented and they had sex on the couch.  Could Don Draper be at a lower point in his life right now?  Sleeping with your secretary is a bad idea, good thing it is the 1960s and there is no such thing as sexual harassment.

I kept expecting Roger to punch Lee Garner Jr.  Or for Roger to have Sal walk in and make everything extremely awkward.  As usual, Roger gets the great line:  "we need to go from convalescent home to roman orgy." 

I wish someone would have told Peggy's boyfriend that bringing a girl cookies is a nice thing, but it does not guarantee sex.  Trust me, I have brought girls cookies before.  If you want to ensure sex, lace the cookies with ether.

Louie
Do you watch this show?  You should.  Let me explain what the show is like.  You know how Aqua Teen Hunger Force is basically short skits for stoners?  Well, Louie is basically two funny short segments, but instead of aimed at stoners it is aimed at people who are depressed.

In last week's episode he deals with a heckler.  He says some of the nastiest things possible to this girl and then afterwords, she wants to know why he treated her that way.  He goes on some more and then causes her to storm away.  His comedian friends point out that he could have slept with her, but he went too far.  His reponse:  "shit."  Depressingly funny.  Anyways, here is a video from the second episode.  That is another great thing about the show, plenty of stand-up fun.

McDonald's Fun

I went to McDonald's last night at 11:30, right before they closed.  I really wanted a smoothie, particularly a strawberry-banana one.  They are delicious, which is quite surprising...anyways, this is the conversation that took place between me and the girl working there.

Me:  Can I get a strawberry-banana smoothie and..
Girl:  I am sorry, I took the machine apart to clean it.  I am really sorry.
Me:  It is okay, can I get a...
Girl:  Actually, you cannot get any of the smoothies, frappes, or milkshakes.  You can get a McFlurry.
Me:  Oh, well I just wanted a sandwich.  Can I still get one of those?
Girl:  Yes, you can.  I am sorry.
Me:  No need to apologize, just get me a filet-o-fish and a crispy chicken club.

The whole thing reminded me of Mitch Hedberg's joke about a dry cleaner:

I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 a.m., and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk by at ten a.m. and say, "Hey, I walked by at three, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This jacket would be halfway done!"

 It would be ridiculous of me to be angry at the girl for cleaning the smoothie machine.  I am guessing she has gotten yelled at by people before, which is quite sad.  People need to learn to be a little more patient and understanding when it comes to people in the service industry.

Fantasy Baseball Week Seventeen

Why the hell did I open my big mouth?  Ryan bent me over and well let me say that I ended up with six stitches (that is an American History X quote).  I lost 11-0.  I have dropped to sixth place and now have a losing record.  I do not know if I will even make the playoffs at this point.  Let us look at how bad it was...

My team hit .276, which normally would not be all that terrible, but Ryan's team just stomped on my nuts with a pair of Stilettos.  Two of his guys hit over .500 for the week, do you realize what that does?  That helps bring those morons who hit .150 back down to over .300. 

Ryan's pitching beat me pretty handily too, but it appears that he had a few guys get two starts this week, which just sucks for me because I will probably have that kind of week this week (I have a bunch of guys pitching tomorrow, so they should all pitch again on Sunday...)  Unfortunately, those performances never happen when you need them.

He even beat me in saves (Andrew Bailey got hurt), which blows because with four solid closers, I usually win that one.  Also, neither of us picked up a hold.  Tyler Clippard is starting to fall apart.  I picked up Evan Meek, who could either pick up holds or saves now that Dotel is gone...

I refuse to give any of my players any kind of positive reinforcement.  Fuck 'em.